Dating?


#1

Hi,

My husband and I have a separation agreement. It is based on the one on your website, which includes a clause about interference. Does this mean that dating is acceptable or is this still considered alienation of affection? (Also, if I were to date, would this influence my spousal support that goes only until the divorce is finalized?)


#2

Yes, you can date, but you cannot have sex with another person until you are divorced, as that is adultery and a crime in North Carolina, regardless of what your separation agreement says. You cannot waive your responsibilities for crimes in your separation agreement, as the District Attorney is not a party to your separation agreement and can still file charges against you for adultery.

Also, if you begin to date someone shortly after the date of separation, evidence of this relationship may be able to relate back to prior to the date of separation, and you may then have fault for alimony purposes. There is technically no bar in the statutes to an award of post separation support despite adultery, but many judges read the statutes to actually bar post separation support in the event of adultery by the dependent spouse.

The general rule is that it is better to wait to date! “Wait to date” - best of luck


#3

If he is dating, how does that influence my ability to date?


#4

Many separated persons do date before they are divorced, but it is not legally advisable, especially if alimony is an issue in your case. Dependent spouses in particular have to be careful to not be seen as dating or having an affair since adultery is a bar to alimony in this state, even if the supporting spouse did the same thing. My prior response mentions that many judges view this as barring post-separation support as well.


#5

My husband has been living in an apt. away from the marital home for 5 months now. We do NOT have any separation agreement or legal contract of any kind. We have *so far, been able to work out living arrangements (me + the kids in the house) and him moving out. He shall have the kids every other weekend and Wed. nights. He shall pay me X twice a month for support. We used the online calculator. I pay medical + all childcare arrangements, take care of all extracurricular activities, the what, where, when, with who and payments to all said activities.
The kids asked to see their dad more than the current every Wed over night and Fri/Sat nights. We discussed this and agreed he would try to pick them up Tues & Wed. during the week and then every other weekend staying Friday-Sat-Sunday nights. He couldn’t keep the arrangement with coming to pick them up on time and wasn’t feeding them appropriately, etc. Watching for their welfare, it was all about him and his work and his needs. I said, why don’t you stick to Wed. while school is in and have them every other weekend Fr-Sat-Sun overnight and then try Tuesday while on track out. He hasn’t taken them on Tues nights during the 5 week track out they just had. The kids were asking about it and he was coming up with excuses.
OK, so the question about dating…
So here I am keeping the kids, discussing with them emotionally about what is happening, taking them to a family counselor, ensuring they are ok and can talk about it. Calling through my insurance as well as ensuring both kids could discuss with school counselor, emailing their teachers so they knew there were family issues, etc.
So while I am doing this parenting and keeping the kids the majority of the time, he is out meeting another woman!
He asked me by text message “when I thought it would be ok to introduce someone you are seeing to the children?” When I received this message, I called him and said that I didn’t think that was a good idea *along with a few other words I shan’t mention here. That was over a month ago when he asked me that. He has not brought it up since.
We had arrangements agreed for Christmas. The children saw him Wed. before Christmas and he told them that he wanted them to meet someone (a new friend “Mandy” not real name and her young daughter). 3 years younger than my children….he thought it would be nice for them to meet and my daughter could show her daughter how to play Webkinz. Are you kidding me? I found this out from MY DAUGHTER telling me that her dad told her this 3 days before Christmas. Again, I told him that was totally inappropriate and selfish of him.
I have a text message from him stating that he would not introduce them during Christmas. He had the kids Friday overnight till Saturday and when he brought the children home to me (5 minutes late to the agreed time), they tell me that they got presents from daddy and his friend that they met. I am now livid!
I called him and told him that was completely inappropriate and selfish of him. He doesn’t understand and thinks I am being too overboard with my position and he should be able to do what he wants and that he is “not going to wait forever”.
He verbally told me within the past 2 days that he has been dating this woman since early August and he wants to introduce our children to her. He is concerned with how she feels that she can’t be around him when he has our children! It makes me sick! He also said that they are serious and it is not a “fly by night relationship. We are exclusive.” This is what he said to me!
Do I have any legal rights to ask him NOT to involve our children with another woman and her child before we are even legally separated with any documents/contracts/court decisions, etc.?