Does my soon to be ex really need to move out

North Carolina Divorce Law Divorce and Separation Answers
1
quote:
[i]Originally posted by sweetlyrical[/i] [br]My soon to be ex is the one that filed for the separation. Does he really need to move out of the house?

Yes.

quote:
For financial reasons I think he should stay here. I mean he has to pay the mortgage on our house AND rent at a new place too?

Somebody has to pay the mortgage until the house is sold. Whether you or your STBX couchsurfs or rents a new place is up to y’all.

quote:
The man is trying to borrow money from people so that he could have the rent and security deposit to put down on an apartment.

We need to put the house up for sale and we need the money to fix up the place so we could sell it.

If he has to pay rent and mortgage and gas and electric for both places, how in the world are we going to be able to afford the renovations?

I don’t work, I am a stay at home mom and personally, during the separation, I would rather him stay here in our home.

It might be a good idea for you to get a job.

Standards of living usually drop for both parties during and following a divorce, and alimony/PSS + child support won’t necessarily cover all the bills, either.

quote:
We already sleep in separate rooms.

Does he need to prove to his lawyer that he is not living with me?

Usually, attorneys will take their clients at their word, because it’s never in the client’s interest to lie to their attorney.

Doing so can make the job of representing you much more difficult, and can result in vastly increased legal fees sorting out the mess that it can create.

quote:
He was told that he has to be physically out of the home in order for it to be considered a separation and in order for him to be able to divorce me after the year is up.

That is correct. Separate rooms doesn’t meet the definition of “separate and apart”, as far as NC is concerned.

quote:
What if we lie to our lawyers and tell them that he is living somewhere else? Do they check?

I don’t think they check.

However, just because attorneys don’t (usually) check, it is still a very bad idea to lie to one’s attorney(s).

And it can open a very nasty can of worms down the road.

2

You don’t seem to mind him staying–and prefer that he does—so why are you separating?

My suggestion is that you both work on fixing up the house, you getting a job so that when you DO separate, you will have the house sold and you’ll have job skills to support yourself. If you’re a stay-at-home mom, maybe you can work part-time and do a mother’s morning out program or investigate childcare. If you’re wanting to continue to be a stay-at-home mom, then concentrate on selling the house. You do understand that like Golfball says-the standard of living for you BOTH will decrease once you separate. Alimony and child support are not going to allow you 100% the same standard of living you had when you were married.

Lying serves no purpose in your case. It won’t get the house sold and it won’t really have anything to do with anything other than getting divorced quicker (and illegally).

3

He is the one that wants to separate. We have been having problems in our marriage for several years.

He met someone last year and they have been dating for the past 6 months (he didn’t tell me until 3 weeks ago that he was seeing someone). He is in love with her so he wants to divorce me.

Personally I would rather work things out with him and keep the marriage alive but he is not willing to do that. Not my choice.

I did apply for a work at home job because I still have a 4 year old at home to take care of. Still waiting to hear from them.

4

Hmmm…that is a bad spot for you. I commend you for looking for home-based work. In my opinion-it is always best to be able to take care of yourself and not have to depend on someone else for that. Your husband needs to take care of his child-though. I am sorry you are living in a position where your husband is dating someone else-and you know about it- and you’re still in the same house. You must be very hurt as well as himiliated. You don’t sound bitter though. I personally could not live with a woman who didn’t love me and was openly dating someone else. But with the finances as they are, I suppose I understand.

Do NOT let him take advantage of the situation more so than he has (ie: living at home yet dating). Definite moves must be made to sell that house so you can move on with YOUR life. I would really advise you to seek counsel in that he is breaking the law by dating another woman. Whether you decide to persue suing this woman or not, it’s best to at least be informed of your options. You may decide to let it be and move on. That is your choice. Many find it not worth the effort, money, emotions and so forth to fight.

5

You cannot start the separation period until you are actually physically separated. This separation must last for one year in order to be eligible for divorce. There is no way to get around this requirement in this state.

I have never asked a client to prove to me that they are separated, but if they are lying to me, it is very easy to tell. If I found out that a client was lying to me about something that significant there is a good chance I would discontinue my representation. Lying to your attorney is always a bad idea.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

6

Please see my posting on “jurisdiction.” I did not move out of the house when the judge made his ruling. Since my spouse wanted a separation agreement, I felt he should move out. Now the judge is deliberating whether he has jurisdiction because we share a residence. While I counter-sued, the judge has indicated that we can take no further action until we have separate residences. His ruling on custody/visitation program is probably null and void (stay tuned…I’ll let everyone know what he decides). My spouse closed our joint checking account and there is no provision for alimony or child support now.

This is a mess. It is humiliating, hurtful, and terrible for our children. Don’t make a mistake! Even the judges don’t know what to do this situation.

7

My soon to be ex is the one that filed for the separation. Does he really need to move out of the house?

For financial reasons I think he should stay here. I mean he has to pay the mortgage on our house AND rent at a new place too?

The man is trying to borrow money from people so that he could have the rent and security deposit to put down on an apartment.

We need to put the house up for sale and we need the money to fix up the place so we could sell it.

If he has to pay rent and mortgage and gas and electric for both places, how in the world are we going to be able to afford the renovations?

I don’t work, I am a stay at home mom and personally, during the separation, I would rather him stay here in our home.

We already sleep in separate rooms.

Does he need to prove to his lawyer that he is not living with me?

He was told that he has to be physically out of the home in order for it to be considered a separation and in order for him to be able to divorce me after the year is up.

What if we lie to our lawyers and tell them that he is living somewhere else? Do they check?