Short story -
Wife filed for divorce, her attourney told her to get a job and move out if she want this to happen. Her part time job will not support herself at all and I don’t have the assests to have two households at this time. She is still here and I have caught her “sexting” another . She even admitted to it in front of our 16yr old. While she is living in the house and there is no separation agreement due to monitary issues, How much to I have to provide for her - in the way of bills ? Do I have to provide food , clothing, cell phone bill, and shelter for her without her contributing to the expenses? She is claiming to have NO extra money , but she is spending money on stuff from a personal account she won’t divulge the activity on.
If she is still living in the house, then you will need to ensure all living expenses are paid: mortgage, utilities, health insurance, food. Beyond that, you aren’t required. If you stop paying while she’s living there, and she’s a dependent spouse, she can see this as abandonment/constructive abandonment. You all need to create a separation agreement outlining all property and support issues ASAP so one of you can move out. I would recommend you speak to a lawyer who specializes in family law for assistance with your case.
Thank you. We are unable to separate, and she isn’t making any strides towards getting a full time job either. I guess I am stuck. Thank you for your help.
You are in an unfortunate situation. Perhaps the only option you may have is to move to a low-cost place, or to even stay with friends or family for a while. This will start the clock ticking on your required one year of separation. Good luck to you.
So if frustrated1 moves out, does he still need to pay the mortgage, insurance, monthly bills, and even food? If he stops paying is that abandonment?
Yes, if he stopped paying while she’s living there, and she’s a dependent spouse, this could be looked at as abandonment/constructive abandonment. Even if she’s not a dependent spouse, it is in his best interest to make sure that the mortgage payment is made every month if he is on the note.
If she’s “sexting” couldn’t he file for Divorce from Bed and Board and force her to leave?
I DO NOT recommend moving out if you don’t have to, it gives her a very unbalanced amount of control and could screw you in terms of alimony as they will look at the mortgage of the house as a factor in determining alimony. It could also hurt your chances for a fair custody schedule if you aren’t able to find a place to stay for your daughter. I’d separate your accounts ASAP if you haven’t already.
Adultery is grounds for a divorce from bed and board, however this will likely take six months or so to be heard and even if he is granted a DBB, the judge doesn’t have to evict the offending spouse from the home. It’s an option, but it’s not required.
So as I read this correctly, I am just stuck until she gains a sustainable income to move out. I am on the mortgage solely and she is just on the deed. She has moved to another bedroom finally after I caught her sexting this other man. She is not making life easy to live with either, especially with the holidays coming up. She is planning on “punishing me” by taking the kids to GA over Christmas so they won’t wake up at home as they wish. Since we aren’t legally separated with visitation spelled out , she can do this legally right. By the way, both kids want to wake up in their homes on Christmas morning. Can she legally “force” them to go to GA with her? They are 13 and 16 yrs old.
Yes, until such time as a custody order or agreement is in place, either of you can exercise exclusive control over the children. The legal system would not be involved at all. You could take them for Christmas and there would be technically nothing she could do about it, and the same thing applies for her. There is no way to evict her unfortunately. DBB is an option, but it may not lead to an eviction and it would take several months. The good news for you in all of this is that she will not be able to get alimony if she is having an affair. Try to get/keep as much evidence of this as you can in case she files for post-separation support or alimony in the future. You may have to be the one that leaves the house to get the separation started, since it’s unlikely she’s going to go anywhere.
If frustrated1 leaves the house to get the separation started is he still responsible for paying mortgage, bills, food, etc.? Or is his wife stuck with the full responsibility until she can get a court order for spousal support?
Yes, especially the mortgage. He wouldn’t want to leave that to her to pay since she likely won’t and it will affect his equity and his credit. I answered this issue above outlining that he will need to pay the necessities since she’s been the dependent spouse. He needs to move out and live somewhere very cheap or free, if he can. He should get a separation agreement worked out ASAP and would benefit from a consultation with an attorney.The good news for him though is that he likely can put up a defense to paying post-separation support and alimony since she has had another relationship.
Thanks for all the helpful advice here. My attourney said to remain in the home. When she filed for divorce, her attourney told her that she will need full time employment due to my income and our debt. Moving out is NOT an option for either of us at this point OR I would have already made that move. Well , she technically could move out of state and stay in an unoccupied family owned home, but she refuses to leave with the childeren here. They want to stay in the area and go to the same schools and not be far from their friends. She is going to need a well paying job if she moves out to remain in this area as well. At least she has moved to a separate bedroom after me finding out about her affair and I get to see my boys every night too. That is the silver lining to this otherwise dark cloud.
Good luck to you! I am glad that she appears to understand that she will need to get a job and has made this somewhat easier for you.
Good luck frustrated1! I can speak firsthand how difficult it is finding the spouse “sexting” with someone outside the marriage - especially around the holidays. It’s a devastating feeling in the moment but it does get better over time!
Excellent frustrated1. You should get a separating contract determined ASAP and would advantage from a assessment with an lawyer.The best part about it for him though is that he likely can put up a immunity to shelling out post-separation assistance and spousal assistance since she has had another connection.