Please help


I need help. I have been trying to get him to leave for years. He says we cant afford it. He makes almost $300,000 a year. We do not have a lavish lifestyle. He has done many bad things that are unacceptable to any wife and continues to to do so. He is bullying me by staying here. I sleep in a separate part of the house. I still have one middle school age daughter at home. This is a terrible situation for all of us. He is practically daring me to file for divorce from bed and board and thinks I won’t do it. I really don’t want to start a war. I just can’t live this way any more. It is in my daughter’s best interest, for she and I to remain in the family home, and it is also the easiest for all involved. He knows that I am through with him. I have no income at all since I have been a stay at home mom for 26yrs. and married for 30yrs. I have consulted a lawyer and have done alot of research and have armed myself with a wealth of knowledge. I shared my info with him and said that we could work this out ourselves and that he has to financially support me, or I could hire a lawyer and it would cost alot of money, but the outcome would be the same. He will have to support my daughter and I. I have the forms to fill out for PSS and child support, but I am having trouble filling them out. How does a person figure out how much car maintinance is going to be? What if I need new tires in the future? What if the house is going to need a new roof? Should I file for divorce from bed and board at the same time as PSS and CS? I just don’t know where to begin. Am I the only one in this situation? He is trying to control the situation by staying here, because he can’t control the fact that I am done with him. He destroyed our family and is in all kinds of denial about it. Can anyone help me along with this? Thank you in advance, to anyone who has any suggestions at all…


You will use your past expenses to complete the financial affidavits.


*Not an attorney

To expand the answer most people in your situation (the one that needs the support) that have a high income spouse that will not co-operate hire an attorney to help in the process. Information in your post in vague:

Maybe he has consulted or hired an attorney already, because he may be right, you don’t appear to be any position to “file for divorce from bed and board”. In order to file you have be separated, since he is unwilling to move out that means you have to move out of the house to file. You may have cause for a divorce from bed and board but you haven’t posted anything to that effect. From your post he may have a stronger claim to get a divorce from bed and board than you do. If you moved out of bed and discontinued marital relations that can be considered “constructive abandonment” in NC. Also if you move out of house without his consent he could claim “abandonment”. In practice both claims are week, but his attorney would try to use that to lower or get out of PSS and alimony claims in court. Abandonment claim is very week because he doesn’t required your income, your the dependent spouse. A attorney would probably advise you that if your husband will not talk settlement that you should move out and file.

If you need financial information and he is unwilling and you need a subpoena you have to have to have a active court case, so you have to move out to “separate” to get a active court case, you can subpoena has part of custody, ED, PSS claims.

You only refer to the daughter as “yours” and never “our” or “his”. Is the child by him? CS only applies if the child is his. Nothing factual in your post indicates you have right to get the marital house. You could ask for it as part of equitable distribution, you would of course need to settle his half of the “value” by paying him or giving up other assets. If you don’t agree on ED the assets (house included) may be ordered to be sold.

You should be gathering evidence of any misconduct and financial records now. If husband makes $300k a year he must be a pretty smart guy or at least have enough money to hire a good attorney. He has probably been advised to not move out because of abandonment, you discontinuing marital relations or moving out plays into his hand and probably knows you that eventually you will have to move out. If you don’t have access to money accounts there is burden of you having to come up with money for an attorney, apartment, etc… ED and Custody require mediation which is expensive also. He would probably use that as leverage.


thank you Cdavis. would you be kind enough to view all of my earlier posts? it may give you a better understanding of what I’ve been going through.