Emotional disorders in Children after Divorce


#1

I’m not a psychologist, and I’m not a big fan of kids takinf riralin, but I’ve heard that kids taking the ADD medicine can get worse if they skip a few days of taking it. I know my son was about the same age when I had my split. I know one of his issues was a fear of one of us being out of his life for good and he had fears about family members dying. He still has some anger management issues, but only seeing him 2 weeks a year gives me little time to work on it.
Here’s something my fiancee and I do. We both do something with each child by ourselves. Be unpredictable. If he’s into comics, YOU and him go to the comic book store. (Girls aren’t supposed to like comics.) If he likes cars, just the two of you build a model together. Dad and him go to the grocery store or clothes shopping by themselves. (Guys hate shopping, get it?)Do this with each child, individually. If nothing else, it will improve the bond you all have. My son still talks about him and my fiancee playing video games together for hours one day. That was over 3 years ago.


#2

You only see your son 2 weeks a year!!! How terrible![V]
Thank you for the input. The sad part about all this is that their mother doesn’t want them to get close to me and doesn’t let them. There’s been numerous threats from her, because of something I’ve said in the past or done in the past and it’s made their father and I so nervous that there’s very little time that the children are with just me. Every instance in question their father wasn’t around to witness what was said and if he tries to intervene he gets cursed for “taking my side against his kids”. Nothing bad is said, but things like me asking the oldest to stand still while I took a picture of fireworks over the 4th, and his mother said that I ruined his whole vacation! We’ve talked with the boys about this and explained to them that if they do not tell us when something bothers them then we can’t do anything about it and that seems to help for a while. Both children fussed at her for talking about me and saying bad things about me and that stopped for a while. Now she just says that she’ll catch me out somewhere one day, I have yet to figure out why she is so determined to cause me physical pain. I’ve never done anything to her or to the children. We feel like we’re walking on eggshells.
Hopefully, this will all sort out given enough time. I just wondered if the children were actually going to be ruined emotionally for life or if this was almost completely normal.


#3

I don’t know if I would call it completely normal, but I’ve gone through the same things for the past 5 years. My ex has treatened me and my fiancee with physical harm. My kids were scared to come see me the first time because my ex had told them all these horrible stories about my fiancee. My son asked her if she’d be his stepmom about 2 days after he got here and to this day he still goofs up and calls her mom sometimes. That same year, when he got back, he told his mom she was a liar and everyone was good to him. (He was 8 at the time.)To me it sounds like Mom is making the situation drag out, not the kids. Maybe she needs ritalin. My ex is 41 now and I don’t think at this point, she’ll ever change. The next time she threatens you tell the redneck ex to make sure she brings a sack lunch, because it’ll be an all day job.


#4

Just keep treating your stepkids with love and respect. They will eventually come to see that their mom is just blowing smoke by trying to make you out to be worse than you really are. As they get older, it is harder to influence their thoughts and feelings and they "will see the truth.

Been there, done that. I was the three headed monster from h*** according to my husband’s ex and his kids did not want to come and visit. Something came up and I was invited by “her” family to an event at their church and she did not want me to go. I agreed not to go if she would let the kids come and visit us at Christmas without trying to influence their feelings. They came and really had a good time. After a few more visits, they started staying with us every weekend and every Wednesday. They realized I did not have three heads and I was actually a good person that really did care about them and their feelings.

Just hang in there and don’t let her intimidate you. The kids will see the truth and realize that you are OK.

About the physical treats, her type are the ones that are all mouth. I was threatened the same way and when I did run into her at the “perfect” place, I stood there to see what would happen. All she did was turn her nose up and walk away. So much for the big, bad threat.


#5

Tiredofit was right, like all of us, the kids will get wiser as they get older. Wait until the kids get around 10 years old. They’ll start “narcing” on mom so much , you won’t be able to keep track of everything she’s done.


#6

Some background:
My husband has two boys who are aged 8 and 11 now. When he and his ex split they were 6 & 9. The oldest has been on medication for several years for ADHD, though his mother doesn’t give this to him on the weekends. I’ve told my husband that medication of this type HAS to be taken daily or it does no good and could possibly have adverse affects if stopped suddenly even for a couple of days.
I have questions about the youngest boy though. After his parents split, he began gaining weight. He started having what I believe were anxiety attacks. He would stand completely still with his eyes closed and scream that he didn’t want (his dad, his mom, his babysitter)to die, it varied as to who he was thinking about at the time, even sometimes himself. He would be absolutely fine one minute then start crying so much he would make himself sick screaming for his mother, or father, whichever he wasn’t with at the time. He would say he’s scared alot. He would tell his father everytime he had a bad thought. Like, “Dad, when you told me to not be so loud in the car, I called you a bad name in my head.” Then he started telling him every time he had any kind of “bad” thoughts about anything or anyone. Nothing criminal but stuff he had been taught that God wouldn’t like.
My husband took him to a child psychologist for a while and it seemed to help, not only him but we were also given direction on how to handle outbursts. Things seem to calm down, except his weight. He is 8 years old and weighs around 100 pounds. We have all, us and his mother, been working on his eating habits to get some of the weight off, but his brother, with being on medication doesn’t eat a lot and is actually very small for his age. The youngest wears bigger clothes than his brother who is 3 years his senior, and this makes him self conscience of his appearance also. Over the past year, we have noticed some changes. He still gets emotional (upset, angry, scared, happy) very quickly and for the most part we thought it was just wanting to grow up too quickly and do everything his brother does, but not being mature enough to handle and process information. He is extremely book smart and makes excellent grades, where his brother struggles and has to have continuous help with homework. We considered that he possibly believes that his brother was getting more attention, even though not for a good reason, it’s still attention. He’s mentioned that he doesn’t feel like we want him there. We have also noticed that he goes through spells of constantly washing his hands or being scared of getting sick. When I say constantly, I mean going to the bathroom every 3-7 minutes and saying that his hand still feel sticky. He’s even gotten straight out of the shower and washed his hands after drying off.
I know that every child is different, and divorce effects them in different ways also, but is any of this behavior remotely “normal” for his age? Should we be worried about OCD or anxiety disorders in one so young? We don’t want to take him back to a psychologist because we both believe that that can make the situation worse, “being in therapy” and the “what’s wrong with me syndrome”. We would consider taking him to the family physician if there is something to be concerned about. Any suggestions or related stories may help.