Evicted from Home - Domestic Violence Court Order

Monday Night at 9pm - I was SERVED by the Police A Domestic Violence Protective Order / Restraining Order.

My wife is claiming I have Mentally & Emotionally Abused her AND our kids (13 and 8).
I am Not allowed to contact my kids nor wife at all until court date in 2 weeks.
There is NO Truth about her claims.

I have been asking her for a Separation for months.
I have listed out the items we need to talk about - Sell the House, Child Custody/Visitation, Marital Assets, etc.
She REFUSES to even try to talk about it.
She REFUSES to Separate.
As we Both are on the Mortgage, I need her permission to sell the house.
I can NOT afford to pay for House AND Apartment.
I have worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time for the past ten years.
She REFUSES to work at all.

How do I prepare for my Court Date ?
(I can NOT afford a Lawyer)

  1. Do I write a reply to each allegation she claims ?
  2. Can I make my own allegations ?
  3. If so, can I simply do that in court on the Court Date ?
  4. OR do I need to file an official Counter Claim ?
  5. Will my kids be in the courtroom ?
  6. If yes, could they be required to testify ? Ages - 13 and 8
  7. Are we each allowed witnesses ?
  8. Are we allowed friends for support in the courtroom ?
  9. Will there be JUST my wife and I in the courtroom ? or is it a public affair ?
  10. Will the Only Evidence the Judge allows be My Wife’s vs My Story ?
  11. Can the Judge order wife to sell house ?
  12. Will Judge order that we work out a Separate Agreement in 30 days or else ?


I am very sorry to hear about your situation.

My ex-wife did the exact same thing to me. But she accused me of threatening to kill her over my son’s school pictures. It was ridiculous. If your wife went to the local DV shelter to file the DV protective order then she will be entitled to free legal cousel. So when you go to the hearing, she will have a lawyer with her. So I would strongly suggest that you hire a lawyer. Even If you need to take out a loan or borrow money from family, it will definitely be worth it in the long run.

When I went to my DV hearing, my ex-wife’s free legal counsel wanted me to agree to a proctective order for a year. You can agree to settle or you can have a hearing. I would strongly suggest that you request a hearing so a least you can present your side to the judge. But remember you are in North Carolina, the judicial system is extremely biased to the female regardless of the truth. You are facing an uphill battle. If you have a hearing it will be a public hearing with people waiting for the cases to be heard in the courtroom. Only her allegations will only be allowed to be presented. You will get a chance to question her and any of her witnesses. You will get a chance to take the stand to give your side but remember, your wife’s free legal cousel will get to grill you. I had a three ring binder full of documentation of harassment from my ex-wife but I was not allowed to present any of it. The judge only wanted to hear about the alleged phone call in which my ex-wife claimed I threatened to kill her. My ex-wife even lied on the papers she filed. I had a witness to testify that my ex-wife lied but she was not allowed to testify. The judge stated if it wasn’t concerning my wife’s allegation (the phone call), he would not hear it. Then the judge stated he did not care that my wife lied on the papers. I was flabbergasted. So now I have a restraining order against me for six more months.

You should take as many witnesses as possible. But you may not be allowed to use them. It is up to the judge. My children were in the courtroom. But they are teenagers.

You will be allowed family and friends in the courtroom for support. I would strongly recommend taking as many family and friends for support as possible.
You need to check you paper to see if your wife is requesting child custody in this hearing. If she is, it is extremely important that you take a lawyer. Selling the house should not be discussed at this hearing. It should be done at an Equitable Distribution mediation or a hearing.

If you can not get a lawyer, write everything down to each allegation that she claimed. It is best that you are very prepared before going into the hearing so you know exactly what you are going to say. You are allowed to read your responses to her claims so you don’t forget anything. In the courtroom, stay calm and level headed.

Hope this helped. Good Luck!!!

I suggest you meet with an attorney in the near future to secure counsel for the Domestic Violence hearing. He or she will be able to analyze your specific situation and prepare a well planned defense prior to hearing. You need not file a written response to the Complaint, but may do so. If you chose to you may file the same with the court, and prepare a copy for the bailiff to give your wife at the hearing (you may not send it to her as that would be in violation of the current order). I find that the time is better spent preparing a defense and gathering evidence and exhibits to present at the hearing rather than drafting a formal written response.

You will have the chance to tell your side of the story in court, and if you have allegations against her may state them there. Children are not permitted in the courtrooms, though your 18 year old may be present, though I do not believe the judge would hear testimony from the child.

You are allowed to call witnesses, however the time is very limited, and likely your testimony will be more important than anyone else’s so be sure to use your time wisely.

Courtrooms are open to the public, and the domestic violence courtrooms are typically crowed and busy.

The judge will not address property issues in domestic violence court. You must file a separate action for that, and judges also do not set time limits for folks to execute agreements.


Wow, I’m so overwhelmed. I will try to talk to a Lawyer FRIDAY, my ONLY day to do so.
I am out of town on Business, so can Not meet with a NC Lawyer.
Would a lawyer do an Initial Consult Over the Phone ?

Would YOU be willing to talk to me on the phone sometime Friday ?
I would pay you your initial consult fee.
Please email me at DungBeetleNoMore@gmail.com
I’ll check it in the morning first thing by 10am, but will be out on errands the rest of the day.

I expected this first hearing would be my wife and I with the Judge.
Then the Judge would decide if a “full” hearing with Lawyers / Witnesses would be needed.

Please Confirm (and forgive me if you feel you have already answered these)

  1. We ARE Allowed a Lawyer at this initial hearing ?
  2. My 13 and 8 yr old children will NOT Present ?
  3. We Can have Witnesses ?
  4. We Can have a few Friends for Support in the Court Room ?

PLEASE ADVISE *** I have Recordings of these conversations where my wife alleges I said “this or that”.
She did Not know I was recording, but suspected.
In 2006 I was told by a Lawyer that Recording a Conversation is LEGAL in NC, IF I am a part of the conversation.
Please tell me this is TRUE. ***
These recordings are my ONLY Evidence to prove all her lies.

I will have someone from my office contact you. We do indeed offer phone consultations.

Yes, you may of course have a lawyer present at any hearing.
Children under 18 years of age are not allowed in the DV courtrooms, and I find it doubtful that a judge would allow an 18 year old child of the parties to testify in the action.
You may call witnesses, however you must use your time wisely as the hearing is fairly short.
You may have friends and family in the court room for support.
You may also use the recordings in court, as they are legal.