Feel Hopelessly STUCK in MUD

North Carolina Divorce Law
1

Please, if you can be kind enough to hear my position where everyday the stress feels unbearable with no way out.
Married 10 yrs ago, late in life, a seemingly very good guy.
It’s a long complicated story. In hindsight, it’s apparent his supposed love turned to hate right after wed, and increasingly his real character unveiled itself as time went on. He has serious issues: obsessed by his all/everything, extremely greedy, selfish. Mood swings. Controlling. Loves to play a game of deceiving, and stab in the back.
Found he was cheating on me two yrs or so into the marriage while living with him and his mother, under his elderly mama’s roof.
I returned to my own old home, He didn’t want a divorce. We carried on like married people tho not under the same roof, waiting until mama’s passing and he said get our own home together.
Husband has a million value in stock portfolio orig. purchase long before he met me, along with a pension. He got on social security after married. Made income each yr as photographer, but he declares only a fraction of income to state/IRS. He bought cars in his own name. I wasn’t realizing he was making sure I had no security. All would be deemed his sole property.
2 yrs ago he bought a house in cash by drawing from his stocks and titled on in his name. I only bought it for myself, my daughter, and my grand daughter upon our approval we’d live in it and make it our home.His mother’s house 2 doors away. We could all be one happy family. We all sat together before he bought in agreeance he would add my name to the title of the house, and we could move in immediately, along with many other things he would do.
My very old, small home bought in 2005 way before marriage had been needing more and more repair. He at one time said he would give 10k to start refurbish. I unlike him have no money in savings, live on fixed income supporting my dgtr and grandchild who have always lived in my own old house, making it paycheck to paycheck.
So, my dgtr and I worked hard trying to get into the empty, better house husband bought for us asap. I squeezed out every dime, and borrowed some to furnish and paint new place, day and night.
His bad behavior caused me to pin him down one day, insisting to know what was going on. He said, he would never add my to title on his house, for he didn’t want my daughter to inherit some day (???) This is typical lame excuses to many more deceptive game playing.
I, by then was in too deep…
Have lived in this house with my daughter and grand child, and am not able to go back to my own old home if I wanted to for it would take huge amt of money to bring it up to a liveable standard which I no way have to do, and he knows well I don’t.
He smiles with great satisfaction knowing my back is up against a wall. Neither did I know in NC is not under the same roof one is free to see whoever they want to. I am sure while I stayed faithful, he has been having a good time like a bachelor.
He’s put me thru the wringer, causing anxiety, stress, and even bad health having to live until recently in my old home with air or heat where I had to use a walker from pains due to arthritis and sciatica,
Has eased up some living in this house.
Cruel, very mean man and trying to do what he can to make me uncomfortable as he can in this house (his) taking back his promises.
DIVORCE: I don’t have money to divorce, and he won’t divorce me because he wouldn’t want to spend a nickel. AND IF I were to divorce him, with everything being his separate property…
I fear I would be on the street with my daughter and grand daughter, for as mentioned I do not have the money or income to fix up my old home. I’d have to sell it for peanuts. Couldn’t afford another for all of us and our pets. Any rental…which is very few around here…and expensive, whatever I got in money would go fast
At age 75, this dilemna is going to kill me
I am worried stiff one day, any day, one of his affairs would stick and he’s want us OUT so he could move another IN.
I’M STUCK IN MUD …I don’t see a way out where my little family can survive.

]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]seemingly grounded good guy.

2

You will be considered separated for purposes of an absolute divorce when you are living continuously separate and apart (separate residences) and at least one of the spouses has formed the intent to remain permanently separate and apart.

You can then file for postseparation support and alimony since it sounds like he is and has been the supporting spouse over the course of the marriage. You can also file for equitable distribution to distribute any marital property.

You may be interested in attending one of our free live Webinars that will give you the important information you need to know in order to start the separation and divorce process. The next live webinar will be presented on 6/2.

Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

3

I don’t understand. My dilemna is if I go for a divorce, being the house I live in is his separate property (he doesn’t live in the house with me) I would have to leave his property, yes? And then myself. my dgtr, and grandchild would not have my own house to return to being it is in very poor condition. And my own old house has gotten so bad because husband did not live up to his promises to refurbish my own home along the 10 yrs of marriage.
This is my fear, we’d not have enough to rent somewhere and with animals, and my own old home would go to complete ruin,

How have your determined husband has been supporting spouse during course of the marriage? Given what I wrote.
And what marital property to divide equitably? He’s made sure everything he has was derived before marriage including stock portfolia 1 million in value.

LASTLY, what about the agreement verbally which I have in FB messages where he agreed to add me on title to the house he bought for myself?
How about marital misconduct of cheating, costly deceptions, and other cruel stressful behavior/actions by husband? if all he has is his separate property, how would I be awarded anything?
Sorry, it just seems I am SOL, and would be in a horrid state do to his actions to make it so.

4

You would not need to leave the current house that you are residing in since you already live separate and apart. Once you formed the intent to remain permanently separate and apart, then you would be eligible to file for equitable distribution, postseparation support, and alimony.

As part of the equitable distribution settlement, you would need to move out of the house you are currently residing in if your husband acquired that house prior to your date of marriage.

Your husband is the supporting spouse if you have relied on him throughout the marriage for your maintenance and support.

You are the dependent spouse if you have actually and substantially dependent upon your husband for your maintenance and support.

If there is a supporting spouse and dependent spouse distinction and the dependent spouse has not committed an act of illicit sexual behavior during the marriage, then alimony can be awarded to the dependent spouse.

Marital property that must be divided is all property that was acquired during the marriage (between date of marriage and date of separation) except for inheritances.

A Facebook message agreement that he add you to the deed on a house is not sufficient - this will not change anything.

Marital misconduct in the form of an act of illicit sexual behavior committed by the supporting spouse will require the supporting spouse to owe the other spouse alimony assuming the other spouse is a dependent spouse.

Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

5

Husband bought house I am living in 8 yrs after our marriage, however he drew money out of his stock portfolio which he acquired years before marriage to buy this house I am living in.
He has been involved with a married woman AFTER he married me. Is why I left him.
He has received pension income, social security, income from his photography, and income from his stocks since we were married.
Also bought two cars titled in his name only. Has 3 checking acct and savings in his name only
SO it still sounds to me though this man has wealth and more, while I have nothing but an old house unlivable bought prior to marriage, I would be SOL divorcing him with very little coming out of this to survive on but MAYBE alimony for a certain length of time that probably could not last long having to rent another home and the amount not large enough…He has MADE SURE I am in a very bad spot without any security at my age of 75 with dependents. while he has caused me extreme stress, and so much more
Unfair