Great Step Family Experiment


#1

This maybe a little long but for those who want to know about the Step Family Experiment:

I am currently married for just 2 years and have finally come to the conclusion that my Wife has more feelings, support, and being their when they needed it for her grown Children (Ages: 21 GrandDaughter w/two children, 35 son, and 36 Daughter than she has for her. To make matters every more unique, I have provided all Financial support for her GrandDaughter for Apartment Rent for over 2 yrs, purchased a Mobile Home for her son with partial rent payment and no utilities (even though rental agreement calls for full payment and all utilities), needed some place to call his own, and provided immediate funding to daughter’s rental for 3 months to keep her family from being throw out on the streets.

Why you may ask how did he get so deep, the answer is Love and commitment. If you love someone which means that you must consider the Grown Children from her past marriages, you must take the WHOLE Package or nothing. I understood this to some extent when I dated her and was admired by her devotions toward her family. However I did not realize at the time what impact that would have on my finanical means and emotional needs.

I have given allot to my wife because I love her and was being their for HER. However I have had several incidents recently that questions her being there for ME when I really needed her support. One time was when I was sick and throwing up, SHE TOLD me to Suck IT UP, Be Strong, I was at one point of passing out due to dehydration, she kept on and on about being a MAN Suck It Up. Eventually after 15-20 minutes of this grief from her, she went and got me fluids, after I was at the point of ready to call the rescuse squad. The other time when that I was feeling the stress of the Financial issues of supporting her family and was down in the dumps. She asked me what was wrong and I told her that I things on my mind. She wanted to know what It was and I told her that I would let her know later in the day. However she would not take this position without her going POSTAL and this was in the morning. I told her that the new lease agreement that I had to consign for her Grand Daughter I would not renew after this year. When she hear this she got very upset about how I was feeling about this (She has known about the financial issues). She told me that she had already mentioned this to her GrandDaughter, but she did not tell me about this. She is very protective of her 21 Grand Daughter because her mother (Daughter) did not raise her as a full mother. The thing about this was I was feeling out of sorts and needed her to pull me back up alittle, I did not get this, all I got was grief and hardship from her.

I feel that when in a pinch, she would rather give me grief and hardship than to be there for me. What also interesting about this relationship is that she claims unconditional love for me and I have the same for her. She may have internal feelings and understands about my financial issues but when it comes down to Brass Tacks, I will always be there for here no matter what I feel and do not thing out loud as comparison to her giving me grief on these situations. I believe the term unconditional love is over stated…

At this point I do not know what to do???

Any input would be appreciated…

cbg


#2

It sounds as though you are questioning whether or not you should stay with this woman. Sadly, you are the only one that can decide this, because you are the only one that has to live with the consequences. It sounds as though you have questions about her loyalty and devotion…sounds lame, I know…but right now, with everyone’s financial situation and the economy the way it is, you have to be sure that family comes first.
Being a good person and treating your spouse how you would expect to be treated is not asking too much from a spouse. Crisis situations often bring out the true nature of someone’s emotion. Maybe your spouse is not the type who is nurturing and capable of caring for someone who is sick…I’ve met a few people like that. Maybe your spouse is the type who feels men shouldn’t have emotional issues to deal with…
It sounds like you are that type though and expect to be able to discuss any issue with her and be taken care of in the same manner you would take care of her.
You first need to decide if you want the marriage to work and are willing to accept her as she is. Maybe she doesn’t realize what you expect and therefore does not realize that she has let you down…
If you do, you should let her know. If you want the marriage to work, you need to get into counseling. Otherwise, you should begin the process of settling your financial issues now in order to prepare for what you need to do to protect yourself for a separation.
I’m sorry…I know this is not an easy part of the process. Sometimes it’s only a matter of the other not knowing that there is a big issue that needs attention. You won’t get anywhere though if you don’t first discuss it with her. Hang in there.