If there has been no marital misconduct, alimony can be requested by either party and is based on the amount of money that is made. It has nothing to do with child support, custody or equitable distribution.
Do not stop paying child support. I suggest that you figure a fair amount and pay that every month. Keep records of those payments.
Child support is based on the guidelines for NC and you can run the calculator on the main site here to see what that amount would be. If your stbx files for child support through the state, it’s possible they could request records of payments made since the date of separation…
I suggest working out a schedule that works for your children and sticking to that rather than what will aggrivate or affect your stbx. Child support is based on the # of overnights that the child(ren) spend with each parent, their income, and other things. It has nothing to do with the marital estate or anything else. Child support, child custody, equitable distribution and alimony are separate issues to the courts.
If your stbx is threatening you with finacial ruin, I suggest that you first get a recorder on your phone. Conversations between you and your stbx can be recorded and used in court in NC as long as one of you know that it is being recorded. Then I suggest that you consult an attorney. You have been separated for over the one year one day requirement and can legally file for absolute divorce even without a separation agreement if you can’t agree. A claim for equitable distribution could be put in with the stipulation that the equity at the time of separation ($x) will be divided when the home is sold or by certain date.
Just some suggestions.