My wife and I have had a very rocky marriage for 10+ years. We have separated twice and come back together in this time both times against my better judgement. Now I’ve reached a point where I just don’t want to go on living any more, very depressed and beginning to have suicidal thoughts. I have no tendencies and I don’t see myself going to that extreme but I am very much feeling drained and hopeless. My wife has never worked and although I have been on unemployment since March she still refuses to get a job to help out. Our children are in elementary school, we have 2. She has been diagnosed bi-polar yet refuses to take any meds and she is violent. I came back 2 years ago after an 8 month separation and continue to stay because I worry about the kids. She flips out on them almost daily and screams profanities at them and threatens to hurt them which is where I step in. She has the same rage filled outbursts toward me almost daily and I’ll tell you its all I can do to keep from taking a swing at her but I refrain. She attacks my manhood, my ability to provide right now and calls me evil names like I’m a “fat f**k” which I’m not at 6’2" and 220 lbs I’m pretty solid but the pouch is coming with age! She is getting increasingly violent. In fact, last week during one of her emotional attacks I presented her with some truths that she did not like and she threw a shoe at me which hit me square in the face and busted my lip open. I must be getting patient with age because a few years back I would have gone back at her.
So here is my dilemma, I want out and I want the kids this time. I refuse to support this woman for the next 12 plus years with a third of my salary (when I find employment again) so she can continue living life and having a party on my dime. I have caught her contacting men AND women on craigslist and found a profile on an adult cheating website but I am sure there hasn’t been any face to face encounters. Yet, I am living my life completely devoid of affection because she is very cold to me. This is hard because I both offer and require lots of affection. I am not completely innocent here either, I have never had a physical affair but I did chat with a woman on yahoo back in 2001 in she has never let me forget it! I have behaved myself on-line since then but I am repeatedly accused of still doing it. Much of my work and school is done on the pc, so I must be doing something wrong… right?
I need to know how I can best start to build a case against her that will guarantee I maintain physical custody of the children but I do not want to call the police into the matter. I am ashamed enough that I have stayed with her all these years and I don’t want a scene in my neighborhood.
Thanks for letting me vent, I need your responses.