How do you prove marital misconduct?

Hi Littlebear,
I’m sorry to hear that you’re having such a hard time. I can certainly relate even though I’m not a man. Our situations are very similar with the exception of the genders.

My husband is doing the same things - taking control of all of the money, not keeping me informed of our debts (with the exception of ONE credit card in MY name, that HE’S used), dragging things out because he knows I don’t have any money, trying to “scare” me into signing the separation agreement and the BIG kicker - his affair. They say that “hind sight is 20/20” and I guess that’s the truth. So is the saying “you’re always the last to know”. My husband was seeing this woman WELL before he left. Heck, my oldest son knew (or should I say “suspected” - since he didn’t actually “see” them sleeping together. He did see her giving him massages and he says that’s when it dawned on him). My sister said SHE started wondering about it when he bought his motorcycle but that she put it out of her mind because she couldn’t believe that he’d do that – she thought he LOVED me…
I know that all of this hurts you – and even more so, makes you MAD. [:(!] It certainly makes me feel the same way. WE can only HOPE and PRAY that there’s some truth to that OTHER saying: “What goes around comes around”!!


Generally, to prove adultery, one must prove 1) inclination and 2) opportunity. Inclination can be shown, among other ways, by signs of affection, i.e. hand holding, hugging, kissing, etc. Opportunity can be shown, among other ways, by establishing overnight stays or stays in a hotel room, for example. Typically, a private investigator is involved in successful marital sexual misconduct actions.

David L. McGuire
The Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 200
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

About 6 months prior to our separating, my wife decided to remove her wedding ring. At the time, she claimed that she needed to because she washes her hands a lot. Then over the next few months, I began to notice that I was never being invited to the “girls night out” events. Sometimes, she would even tell me she was going out. She would turn off her cell phone and then come home about 10pm saying she had been out with the girls from work. What really precipiated our break up was when she went to Charleston SC with a girlfriend for the weekend. But when she called to check in with me, I heard mens voices in the background. She said that her friend had two gay guys that unexpectantly went down there with them. After she returned, she mentioned that “Barbara’s husband worked for some big law firm”. I asked her, “Is Barbara’s husband GAY?”. She knew she had just got busted. A week later I moved out. But I can’t prove anything except she was in Charleston for the weekend? Clearly, she was cheating. But I have no proof. How can I proceed?