Its Abandonment! - Next

I am not an attorney but:

  1. NC is a no fault state. You will probably pay alimony and support or at the least fight about it in court. She could ask for support right now (I think). The abandonment thing could have an effect on the outcome of the house. This site clearly states “don’t move out of the marital home”. That doesn’t mean she has given up her marital interest in the house.
  2. If it is not in writing it didn’t happen unless recorded. Cuts both ways.
  3. I don’t believe this will hurt you. May not help either.
  4. You may record whatever and whomever you want. If you record 2 or more parties and you are not a party of that conversations you are in trouble.
  5. Yes, you have the right to ask (fight) for half of the mortgage, especially if she is on said mortage. She is also responsible for half of said mortgage and is or will be obligated to pay it. She also has a right to ask for her half of the equity in the house. Her lack of financial obligations will not help you nor hurt you.

Your mileage may vary.

Clarification on recordings: You can record whatever you want so long as you are part of that conversation.

How can I limit the alimony/support?
If she cheats while seperated, is that still AIA?

My suggestion is to get an agreement drawn up.

  1. She can get post separation spousal support at this time if she requests it and you make more money. If you are paying a certain amount then it’s probably not necessary for her to request that.
    2)A verbal agreement is legal but will not hold up as well as a written agreement. What you are paying now does set a precedent for what you “could” pay after the year so again…get a agreement. Have the agreement read that you will be paying x, y, and z until time of absolute divorce and at that time you will be paying X.
    3)Document, document, document. Keep record of every payment, every conversation, everything that could possibly mean anything. You may never need it but it’s better to have an not need…
  2. It is legal to record conversations as long as one person knows it’s being recorded. So, yes, you can record a conversation between you and her, you and the children, you and anyone. You can not use recordings of conversations between her and the children unless she or the children know. No, you do not have to tell her.
    5)This is part of the abandonment thing…if she has made no arrangements for her finacial responsibilities. Legally, it makes no difference if she never paid a dime on a debt, it is still marital debt and without that separation agreement stating that this specific debt will belong to you or her after date of separation then it is still marital, which means it can be divided. This still effects her credit as well as yours and until the home can be refinanced or sold it is considered belonging to both of you. A separation agreement can retro the debt reimbursement though…

Getting a separation agreement will protect both of you. Consult an attorney as soon as you can. Close as many joint accounts as you can.

[i]Originally posted by JustinCase[/i] [br]How can I limit the alimony/support? If she cheats while seperated, is that still AIA?

She would be legally allowed to date while separated but having sex with someone other than your spouse is illegal. If the separation is very recent and a relationship has become public you may be able to find that it was going on prior to separation date and then she could not request alimony. If you can have her admit this on record (taped conversation) then you would not have to worry about alimony except what you choose to give her.

Abandonment is generally in the financial sense, meaning you relied on her for your support and day to day living and she withdrew that support from you, it is not clear from your post whether that was a factor here. In general, abandonment has only a small impact on the ultimate division of property, unless her conduct led to economic losses related to the property.

To answer your questions:

  1. Abandonment may have some impact on alimony, but you should be aware that she can claim that there were circumstances that forced her to leave. Based on your post, I am not sure if this is true. If she earns one quarter of your income, it is likely that you will owe her alimony, depending on the custodial schedule, you may also owe her child support. The court will not likely look at her living with her parents as a long term sustainable solution and will attribute some living expenses to her. The court will most likely assume she is living there temporarily until the support issues are worked out.

  2. You are not going to be locked into continuing to pay the above things, however you are are establishing a pattern than you can afford to do those things, and the court will consider that. You should run the child support guidelines and should be paying that as a minimum until this gets worked out.

  3. These will not affect you in a negative way.

  4. As long as you are both in the State of North Carolina you can record calls between yourself and another party, as long as you are a party to these conversations. This means you could not record her phone calls with the children.

  5. You can ask her for money to pay the mortgage, though she does not have to give you the money, and most likely won’t.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

OK.I am 100% confident that my wife has legally abandoned me. I have been on this computer for 6 hours now and have read this entire site on divorce law and all posts on abandonment.
Facts for Questions:
-Moved in with Parents
-Working part time making 1/4 of what I do
-I pay kids tution
-I pay for thier food money
-I continue to pay all medical bills/perscriptions
-childrens sleeping arrangments have been made
-we are amicable…We act as though we only live in different homes
-There is NO seperation papers signed


  1. since she lives with parents and has an income and I have her on abandonment, should I worry about being raked over the coals for allimony/support when she hits me up for the divorce after year 1?
  2. by verbally agreeing to financially support her with the above mentioned things, am I setting myself up to lock in these payments legally if/when a divorce comes?
  3. I keep track of all reciepts and write down all conversations…will this be negative in ANY way if I present them in a divorce case?
  4. I am very unclear about the ECPA when it comes to recording conversations. It says that I can legally record a conversation between myself and my wife as long as ONE of the parties is concenting. Does that mean that since I consent, I can record? If that is true, does she need to know that I am recording then?
  5. She never paid for ANY living expenses when living in the house. Do I have the right to ask for part of the mortgage since the house is in both of our names? Since she had no financial obligations living here, does that hurt me if she tries for allimony?

Thank You,
I know this is alot.