Leaving a violent spouse

If he is presently being violent towards you, you can seek a domestic violence protective order and have him removed from the home. You do not have to prove domestic violence to gain primary custody of the children but you should certainly bring it up as an issue to be addressed. You might want to start by having a consultation with an attorney who can walk you through this whole process.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit radio.rosen.com for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

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Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
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The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

You need an attorney and proof. About 80% of men who fight for custody of the children are violent, and about 70% of them will win. If you do not have proof, don’t even bring it up. I speak from experience. You will look like a mother merely trying to be vindictive and this could cause you to lose your children. Remember Justice Is Blind and they do not know you from him. In court, violent men also can appear to be very upstanding citizens. He can make you out to be a liar, and violent men are also very manipulative and charming. It is easier for a Judge to believe his theory that you are merely trying to keep the kids from him than your true story about the violence in the home. Next time he attacks you, tape record it, get photos, call the police. You can get a domestic violence protective order against him, but this will only temporarily get you your children. Also, do not ever call DSS. Take the children to the doctors or for counciling and let someone else do it if the abuse has spread to them as well. The truth does not always prevail in these situations.

I have been married for 2 1/2 years and soon after my son was born, my husband started being physically violent towards me. I have dealt with the abuse for 1 1/2 years now and I am pregnant with my second child, due in March. I want to leave him after the baby is born, but I am scared that I will lose my kids. The only place I have to go is to my parents’ home about an hour and a half from my home now. My husband feels that he should have equal custody of our son, and i dont want to deprive him of his kids, but I can’t stay married to him. He doesn’t like the thought of my parents helping raise his kids because they are Christians and he is an atheist.

My question is do I have to prove violent behavior before i can gain primary custody of my kids? I don’t think it’s fair that because of his abuse, i will have to leave and possibly end up with joint custody and only seeing my kids part time. Plus, I have no way of knowing whether he will continue to be a good father or will fall into the same violent pattern with them when i am no longer there. If he is uncomfortable with my parents helping me raise the boys, can he take me to court to keep them away from them? I never filed a police report when he had his outbursts, and he has “changed” so I don’t think I will ever need to from here on out. Is my testimony to other people proof enough or will that be considered heresay evidence.

I don’t want to lose my kids, and it is financially impossible to stay in the same city with my husband. Are my hands tied as far as where i can go? Someone please help me. I’m so lost as to how to go about this.