(oops!)
If you’ve waited decades, you can wait a year longer.
Yes, it sounds as though you’ve opened yourself up to liability. Do not leave any evidence of your activities, phone, email, whatever. Records can be subpoenaed. Make no admissions, neither of you…to anyone. Do not move in together until after she has her final divorce judgement in hand. Do not stay overnight in the same house together.
He doesn’t techincally have to provide concrete evidence only opportunity and inclination to forward a suit of AA/CC. For a suit of AA, there doesn’t even have to be sex, just a coaxing of affection away from him.
Quite frankly, if she suspects that he has a mistress, it might be worth the money for her to get a PI to obtain evidence against him, if nothing else, as a deterrent to him trying to file any such lawsuit against you. Plus, it would help her if she is attempting to ask for alimony.
Adultery isn’t a bar to child custody, but judges are human and it could affect certain decisions regarding custody. If she gets portrayed in court as a wanton who, with no regard for her children, abandons them to go sleep with people, then yes, it could affect custody if she can’t counter such accusations.
If the two of them can sit down together and work out a separation agreement regarding child custody, it would be best. If she can obtain info regarding any affairs he is having then she might be able to use that as leverage to introduce a waiver of third party claims which would leave you to date without interference. But, be careful with that. Any such 3rd party statements can be subverted if someone wants to strongly enough.
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She can’t hire a PI and neither can he. They are very poor. They can’t afford a lawyer either.
Lawyers don’t take AA/CC cases pro bono to sue poor defendants do they? Can he sue me himself without one? There isn’t any way he could afford legal advice or any kind of help with that. Neither he nor I have enough money to pay for any courts.
He is talking of leaving her. If he does, and he does it on his own without knowing anything of us, would he still have a case? Would there still be problems with my moving in soon after if he was the one who moved out?
Virtually never do attorneys do AA/CC cases pro bono, however, yes, he can bring a suit pro se (by himself alone). If there’s nothing to get (zero or negative net worth), chances are that it will never see the inside of a court room, although he can make your life miserable by filing motions until that point.
If at any point during the one-year separation period he can obtain evidence of the two of you having sex or of a pre-existing romantic relationship, then yes, he can sue. Moving in together would pretty much provide solid circumstantial evidence of such. It doesn’t matter whether or not he decided to leave first and leaves. (In my case, she asked for the divorce, but came back when she found out he was dating and threatened prosecution.) In this state, until you have a divorce judgement, your sexual rights are owned by your spouse…period.
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[i]Originally posted by WorriedDreamer[/i] [br]She can't hire a PI and neither can he. They are very poor. They can't afford a lawyer either.Lawyers don’t take AA/CC cases pro bono to sue poor defendants do they? Can he sue me himself without one? There isn’t any way he could afford legal advice or any kind of help with that. Neither he nor I have enough money to pay for any courts.
He is talking of leaving her. If he does, and he does it on his own without knowing anything of us, would he still have a case? Would there still be problems with my moving in soon after if he was the one who moved out?
So you’re saying that when a couple separates that neither can date for a whole year?
How does all this effect custody? I mean, leaving aside the threat of my getting sued, will her dating me as soon as he leaves give him ammunition against her in the custody dispute? He wants to move out of state and take the kids. She ain’t going to give them up and they don’t want to go with him. Will our relationship have a bearing on that? I have no criminal record and am a good standing member of the community. I was actually nominated for father of the year a few years ago before my kids were grown.
No, not exactly. Technically you can date socially, but not sleep together. However, given the fact that you’ve already had contact with this woman, should he seek and find any evidence of preexisting romantic contact within the last couple of years, he could file AA/CC. Dating could give him the impetus to search for preexistence. However, if you went out in a group of people, perhaps less, I don’t know. Helena can better answer how such a thing would be perceived by the courts.
Should he obtain evidence of any sexual contact even if it is only post-separation, it is still a case of CC. CC basically makes it illegal to have sex with anyone other than your spouse until after you receive your final divorce judgement.
As I said, it shouldn’t affect the custody dispute, but it can, depending upon how he is able to portray her. Adultery in and of itself is no bar to custody of the children. Evidence of instability by sleeping around may be used as such though. It’s a fine line. If he can “prove” that she goes out and leaves the kids unattended, sleeps with a lot of people, etc. he could get full control of the kids. Luckily, you have to be pretty blatant at this sort of thing before the state would dare separate a child from its mother.
In this instance, the benefit of doubt goes with the mother.
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[i]Originally posted by WorriedDreamer[/i] [br]So you're saying that when a couple separates that neither can date for a whole year?How does all this effect custody? I mean, leaving aside the threat of my getting sued, will her dating me as soon as he leaves give him ammunition against her in the custody dispute? He wants to move out of state and take the kids. She ain’t going to give them up and they don’t want to go with him. Will our relationship have a bearing on that? I have no criminal record and am a good standing member of the community. I was actually nominated for father of the year a few years ago before my kids were grown.
Generally having an affair will not affect custody, however it can have an affect on alimony and you are right it may very well open you up to legal liability. It is in both of your best interests to make sure her legal issues with her husband are resolved before you pursue this relationship.
P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit radio.rosen.com for details
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
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Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
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The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
There is a woman that I have known since I was 14. We have always been in love, but circumstances separated us many, many years ago.
She contacted me recently and we are still madly in love with each other. We began talking and I have went to see her a couple times so far. She is married. Not happily though. It’s a long, specific story that I won’t get into here, but her marriage is ending and I am now in the picture.
I had no idea there were such barbaric and archaic laws in this state. Now it appears I have opened myself up to several liabilities. I could be sued for several things I had no idea were crimes or actionable. I have no assets to take however, so what good would it do him if he prosecuted me for AA/CC and whatever else it is? I can’t pay him anything.
He is fairly vindictive and spiteful. He wants to leave the marriage, but wants to keep his children. She wants him to leave just as much if not more, but she is scared to death of losing her kids.
If he learns that she slept with me does that mean she will lose them? If he learns that I am paying her bills after he leaves will that affect anything?
Is there some kind of legal time frame that would preclude me from moving in within a couple weeks or a month of him leaving? Would that affect her custody situation? What about my liabilities? He has a girlfriend and has cheated on her several times, but she can’t prove it. He can’t prove she has done anything with me. As far as I know he is merely suspicious of us and nothing else. Would my meeting her kids a few days after he leaves affect her situation legally?
We waited decades to be together and being apart is excruciating. We want to be together right now. But like I said she is afraid of losing her kids. How can she keep her children and have me too?