More Help Needed


Child custody hinges on what is in the best interest of the child. The facts you described certainly do not make you a bad or unfit parent. Where parents cannot agree what custody arrangement is appropriate or best for their children, once a complaint for custody is filed with the Court, you will be required to participate in Custody Mediation. This is a good place to start. If you plan to settle out of court, which is always worth considering, you can seek mediation from a child development specialist to act as a neutral or mediate child custody.

Just in case your second concern, “infidelity” is also having you worry about custody, in addition to alimony, I offer the following case law: “in a custody proceeding it is not the function of the courts to punish or reward a parent by withholding or awarding custody of minor children; the function of the court in such a proceeding is to diligently seek to act for the best interest and welfare of the minor child.”

In terms of this issue and alimony- Fault, such as adultry, is relevant to the overall question of alimony. See GS 50-16.3A about specific facts and how those apply to you. It is not clear from your question, but if you are a dependant spouse, and yours spouse has condoned the action, the fact shall not be considered by the court. See our web site for more information and for NC general statutes.

Deborah M. Throm
Rosen Law Firm
1829 E. Franklin Street, Bldg. 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.265.0017 direct
919.321.0780 main voice

4101 Lake Boone Trail
Suite 500
Raleigh, NC 27607
919.256.1544 direct
919.787.6668 main voice

301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
704.644.2531 ext. 100


When I move, I will be going to school full time and working part time. My mother, with whom i will be living, will be watching my son. I am worried that my soon to be ex will try to get custody of my son because I will not be around as much as I would if I had stayed. Can he get the kids because of this? He thinks that I will be partying (which i do not do) and just be out all the time. Doesn’t he have to prove that I am unfit mother? I am a very good mom to my children and he knows this. He admitted to me that he did not like his own son and made a threat when our son was an infant that he would kill him. However, I would mention this in a court hearing but he told me that he can call Child Protection people one specific thing and the kids would taken away from me. I have no idea what this could be. I have never done anything harmful to my kids. My kids are clothed, loved, healthy, happy and they love me just as much.
What proof would he need to prove infidelity? If infidelity was condoned, will alimony be possible?