My options?


#1

OPTIONS:

  1. Stay in an unhappy marriage
  2. Leave and move on, but expect to pay child support as well as alimony since she stays home.

The courts MAY impute some salary for her if she is able to work, but choses not to. This is totally up to the judge I believe. Since the kids are of school age, it may be different than if the children were under 5 or even under 2. This would affect the amount you pay to her.


#2

I am very willing to pay Child Support plus help out any way possible for my kids. I do not want to pay her alimony. Mainly cause she has refused to get a job or bring in any income. I have paid for schooling in the past just for her to quit. She handles out money and is always getting her hair done, nails, shopping and we never have any extra money. Majority of the time, we are paying our bills just in time before they cut us off. But, we should have have plenty of money to stop living paycheck to paycheck. She mismanages our money and thinks nothing about it. I can prove that she has wasted alot of our money and the fact that she has not tried to collect any money from my stepsons father. She even stopped the courts from collecting from him. She expects me to pay for everything.


#3

Of course, this is just MY opinion on the matter…

  1. Take back financial control of the money. She has shown that she is unable to manage wisely. If you make the only income in the family, then you control who gets what. Give her an allowance if need be. I would open a separate account in your name, start putting your checks in it, then if you have a joint account now, then put her allowance or whatever you feel is a good amount in for her to manage. If she can’t manage that (bounces checks, overdraft…), then close the account. Bills come FIRST and you will have to take that control. If she wants additional spending money, she will have to get a job and earn it. Right now, you’re enabling her NOT to work. There is no motivation for her to help.

  2. Kudos for caring and providing for a child that is not yours. A lot of steps do that out of love. But when it becomes ‘expected’ or ‘demanded’ of you, then it is another story. That is very selfish and unfair of the child’s mother. I am confused at why she doesnt want her ex to contribute to his son’s raising. It is not your responsibility–though it is very kind and loving that you do so. I would encourage and urge the seeking of child support from the boy’s Dad. You do what you feel is best for your situation.

Unfortunately, there is probably no way to get out of alimony. My understanding is that it’s USUALLY a monthly amount for a certain time period (some say 1/2 the years of the marriage…in your case of 8 years–possibly 4 years.) That is less than a lot of the other men on this site have been married.

You really should do #1 first. If you don’t take control financially, it would have devestating effects on your ability to pay bills and provide. Then I would put back some $ to go see a lawyer for a consultation. Write as many questions you can think of and get your money’s worth out of that consultation time.


#4

I agree with needing, but you need to realize in taking control of the spending you will also take on the responsibility of grocery/clothes shopping. You will also be responsible for getting the bills out in the mail. You cannot “make” her work. You can make her need to work inorder to have the extras she desires. Be prepared that she may leave you over this, in essence you will be liable for pss and alimony too. Get your ducks in a row. Talk to a lawyer before you leave, you could get burned if you aren’t prepared for what she could do. Good Luck


#5

You have many options, however it would be impossible for me to list them all based on the information available in this post.

Do you have any specific questions? If you are looking for general information our firm offers many free seminars and you may want to consider attending one of them.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#6

If I tell her I want a divorce, then she will be entitled to half of everything and alimony. But if I give her more than half, like 90% would that have any effect on the amount of Alimony? I only want to take what is considered mine. I know everything is ours but I have a mans room and the items in it are all I want. She can keep all furniture, appliance, computer, bedroom set, dining room sets, etc…


#7

You can negotiate for her to accept property in lieu of alimony, however, if you have to go to court, that is not what a court will do.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#8

could you explain that further? When ED is settled by the court, do they add up assests, substract debits and then decide on the percentage?

I, too, wish to only take a few house items which were “man” things. I have been living on my own for a year and have my own furniture, computer, etc, etc… My ex and I have come up with way different values for the household things. She gave them a garage sale value and said most were old and used (most are, some are new pieces) My appraisal of the marital home belongings were about 20K greater.

Will the judge decide what they are worth, or make us get an outside appraisal? Can she say she doesn’t want some things and then make me take them (and recieve credit for them) even if I do not need them?


#9

Ms. Nevicosi,
To do this, we would have to agree on everything our self VS going to court, Correct? Or would we still have the expense of court/lawyers?
Explain to me what to do if we agree on everything outside of court.


#10

If you agree on everything outside of court you can enter into a Separation Agreement which makes your Agreement legally binding and enforceable by the courts if that should ever become necessary. Hiring an attorney to draft this Agreement for you is the best way to ensure that your legal rights are protected and the agreement is enforceable.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#11

I have been married for a little over 8 years and we have two kids together. She has a older son by a previous relatiohship. I have been unhappy for years and she knows it but has not tried to make things better. I really think that she thinks she has me traped. My stepsons father does not pay child support or any support for him. I have been his finiacal support for over 9 years. She does not work. We agreed that she should stay home to raise the kids instead of putting them in a day care. Now, our two are both in school (Ages 9&6) and she refusing to find a job, full time or part time. We currently rent and have NO money in saving. All I want when I leave is a few of my belongings. She can have everything else. I do want joint custody our boys. What are my options?