No longer in love


#1

If you have already spoken with an attorney hopefully they will have advised you about finances and how your assets will be divided. As far as custody of the children you should try and obtain joint custody of them and if possible split time 50/50.


#2

I can’t tell you specifically what you should keep paying without an in depth review of your finances. You can find a child support calculator on our website which will let you know what your child support obligation is. There is no reason that the children must go with your Wife. Custody is generally decided based on the best interests of your children. You do not need to move out of your home and if you are supposed to doing so, I would recommend you try to negotiate a resolution to this before either of you moves out.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Voice: 704.307.4600
Main Fax: 704.943.0044

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#3

My wife has come up with this idea that she will stay in the house for a year while I continue to pay the mortgage. She then tells me that I am to move out and pay for that as well. She tells me after the year is up I can have the house but have to ‘buy her out’. What does that mean? If I am paying for the house each month that doesn’t make any sense.


#4

If there is equity in the marital residence then that is a marital asset that needs to be divided. For example if your house is worth $200,000 and your mortgage has a balance of $150,000 then you would have $50,000 in equity to be divided. If you pay the house for a year after you separate and continue to pay the mortgage and bring the balance down to $148,000 then the additional $2,000 would be your separate property.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Voice: 704.307.4600
Main Fax: 704.943.0044

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#5

I am being told that half of my 401K account is legally going to be aquired by my wife. What about my IRA account? Is she entitled to half of that as well?


#6

If it was obtained during the marriage and is requested then yes, she would be entitled to it. When my husband and his ex split, she took almost everything out of the home. He paid a deposit and first months rent on an apartment, and a storage building for her. He had to replace everything that she took but that was the only way that she would agree to leave. It was worth it to him because he like you was the main provider, so he was able to keep the home. She only worked part time. It may be that you would have to pay your wife alimony or PSS since you are the main source of income, but I’m not sure about keeping her in the lifestyle she is used to. I would say that you need to get an agreement signed. I suggest that you “help” her move out since she is the one that wants to separate. In the agreement limit the alimony/pss you pay her to a reasonable amount monthly, for the year of separation. She could during this time get a full time job and be able to provide for herself. This is only my opinion, but to me the one that wants to separate should be the one to leave the home. If you leave the home, make sure to get all utilities switched over to your wife’s name alone. You should only be responsible for paying the mortgage and car payments unless something can be refinanced. Eventually this will all need to be separated anyway and it may as well happen now so that everyone is used to it after the separation is over if you do end up divorcing.
When it comes to separating furniture and items from your home, ask yourself three questions: Can I live without this? How easily can I replace this? and Is this worth going to court over? If you find yourself arguing over the washer and dryer remember these questions. Sometimes it’s easier not to argue.

As far as the children go…if at all possible, try to work out joint custody with equal time. It is the best scenario for the children because they do not have to choose. Though it would make you feel good if they chose you, they should never be forced to choose one parent over the other. They should not lose time with either parent simply because the parents choose not to be together. If your wife does not want to agree to this, and it goes to court, you can show how involved you are to their care. A lot of courts are trying now to give equal time to parents and she would have to show why the children would be better off with her having primary custody. These situations are painful and confusing for us and for children it is even worse. In your situation, if your wife agrees to leave, you could suggest that the children stay with you until she gets settled and you and she can work out a schedule…


#7

I think you should get an attorney soon. Obviously you haven’t had any experience with this. You don’t have to do everything she wants. You don’t have to leave or give up your rights to your children. You do not have to “keep her in her current lifestyle” if you have done nothing wrong. This is her choice to leave. The home would be subject to ED if purchased within the bounds of marriage. As far as child support, that will be determined by custody, where the children reside, and whether you two have joint or primary custodians. Even with 50/50 custody, you will probably have to pay child support. Insurance and regular fees involving the children will factor into that equation. Alimony may be awarded to her if she seeks it, but if there is no evidence of wrongdoing on your part, the amount should be fair especially since she is able to work, but chooses to work part time. She can get part of the 401K, but that too is to be determined in ED. Once you are seperated, make sure you get a free tradre agreement so you aren’t liable for her purchases and vice versa. Do not believe everything you are told. There are extreeme versions on both the he and her sides. Since you sound blind sided and don’t know what is your responsibility, you should get an attorney. Good Luck


#8

All assets that are accumulated, unless they are inherited or a gift given directly to one party from someone other than their spouse, during the marriage are marital property. That means all of the money in your retirement accounts would be subject to division. If your Wife has retirement accounts, they would also be subject to division.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Voice: 704.307.4600
Main Fax: 704.943.0044

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#9

2 weeks ago my wife told me she did not want to be married and had fallen out of love after 21 years and 2 children. I spoke to an attorney already and walked out feeling as though I had no rights with my children or future financial situation. I am the mail income in the family, wife is a hair dresser and not making much since recently relocating to NC and only working 3 days/week. Basically I was told that I will have to continue to support her to maintain her current lifestyle. I did not want this to happen in my life, and have done nothing wrong…she said it’s her and nothing I did. My credit obtained the purchase of the home we live in, I am currently paying the mortgage, child support, all insurances, car payments, soccer fees…am I expected to leave my home and move out and pay for the house I already pay for plus an apartment? Since she wants to break up the family shouldn’t she leave? What about my children…I pay the soccer fees, take them to practices, help with the homework and projects, do the computer IT, is she to receive custody and my relationship with them is left to visitation? This all seems so unfair since this is something she wants. If you make your bed you should lay in it. I am willing to help out with her finances in obtaining new residence but am I to keep paying for health and life insurance and her car payments? Please help me…the hurt is starting to turn to hate!