Urgent! i'm being forced to move


#1

My wife is insisting that I sign an agreement that I will move out of our apartment by September 1st, or else she will attempt to dissolve the lease. I don’t know what to do. I am financially dependent on her and cannot afford a consultation at this time. She has been having an affair since she told me she wanted a divorce a few months ago, yet we haven’t filed. Please help me, I need a response as soon as possible!


#2

You should not sign any agreement and should not move out. You may withdraw funds from a martial account (up to half of what is in the account). I suggest you do so and go speak with a lawyer to create a plan of action.


#3

I’m in a somewhat similar situation. My wife of 15 years wants a divorce and wants me out asap. she makes twice what I make and has 20k+ in her 401k. I have disolved 2 401k’s over the last 6-7 years for childrens orthodontic issues and have a modest low 4-figure 401k now. I can’t afford the house and she knows it. I don’t even know if I can afford an apt. on my own on what I make. I also have a car payment.

I would like for her to buy me out, but if she can’t make it at the house, then she may stop paying and it will go to forclose and ruin both of our credit. I dont want that. I also want kids to live in the only house they’ve ever known. As it pertains to equity, we’ve lived there 10 years and the house has to be worth more than what we paid for it even though nothing sells right now. Maybe I can trade off equity for no child support for kids (16 and 12).

I propose:

Half her 401k
we have no savings otherwise

no child support ever.

She pays for childrens health and car insurance (son now and later daughter)

What about spousal support. Could I be entitled to that?

Everything in house that was given to us by my family should be mine and to us from her family should go to her.

Do you think this is reasonable in your legal opinion?


#4

An agreement that provides for no child support may be unreasonable depending on your unique situation. To play devils advocate, as an attorney I would not recommend that a parent who has primary physical custody waive child support.
You are likely entitled to spousal support. The division of personal property sounds reasonable.


#5

Thank you for your last response. Following up on that, (and its a good reccomendation to waive claim of home equity vs her waiving child support claims), what about debts? I think its equal division of assest and same for debts. But what about if she went back to college and ultimetely got her masters. She has nearly 70k in student loans. Even though that is the main factor for her having the greater income (spousal support?), can I be saddled with half of her debt even though I will not benefit from her eduducation if we get divorced? And what about her medical bills? She has a more extensive medical history that pre-dates our relationship. During the marriage, she also has accumulated significant medical bills that are mostly unrelated to her past history but that history is always a concern.

Thank you.


#6

The modern view is to treat student loans as the separate debt of the spouse who has incurred them, as they will have the benefit of the education.

Medical bills incurred during the marriage are martial debts.


#7

When separation or divorce raises its ugly head, we often are so emotional that it is hard to be rational.
Will you be happy leaving you wife with a mortgage, all support for the children, medical bills, student loan bills and further taking money away from your children by asking for alimony? Unless your wife is rich, are you not concerned about the financial well being of your children and their education? Do you want your children to live with the feeling that they are not worth any support from you because you and their mother are no longer together?


#8

Exwife -

So if a couple decides to end their marriage, the man is supposed to live in complete destitution? Unable to afford anything other than meager living standards so his soon to be ex-wife and children (whom he may have 50% of the time) can continue on with their standard of living?

It’s about EQUAL division of assets and debt, and appropriate child support/alimony… it’s not about squeezing daddy for every last dime and leaving mommy with everything. As much as women have a right to their fair share of wealth and debt accumulated during the marriage, so do men.

If women can ask for alimony, men are equally entitled to alimony if the situation calls for it.

If the man or woman wants to keep the house, then THEY are responsible for the mortgage.


#9

Question for an attorney:

After being informed by the wife that SHE wanted a divorce and me out of the house asap. I did not ask for this nor want it. This came out of the blue as far as I am concerned. She advised me that she would be moving forward in the process. She has told me that she was going to meet with her attorney (which would have been 2 days ago). What should I do now? I have done research and am whittling down perspective lawfirms for services. Should I wait for her to propose a separation agreement and react then (play defense) or make pre-emtive moves based on what she told me to do, when she informed me of her wish to separate and then divorce. I don’t want to get bushwacked again by her or come home one day and have the locks changed and a restraining order/removal from bed and board in place. We currently are still living in the same house but with very minimal contact.

Re: Exwife

I was informed by the wife that SHE wanted a divorce and me out of the house asap. She advised me that she was doing research and knew her rights and that I should do same. I did not seek this or want this. This came out of the blue as far as I am concerned. We have had problems over the years but never has the situation ever been escalated like this from either side. I am always wanting to stay for the betterment and welfare of the children. In following HER reccomendation, I have found that I do have legal rights based on our situation. Since she makes twice my income based on her attaining a masters degree (while we were married), I may be entitled to spousal support. In relation to the mortgage, the proposal may be to give her the equity attained after 10 years of owning the home, not saddling her with the mortgage. My reccomendation would be for her to refinance (and take my name off mortgage), lower monthly payment as much as possible and allow her and the children to live in the home. The law allows for EQUAL distribution of assets and debts as correctly pointed out by “endoftheline.” At no time would abandoning the children come into play. I want to spend the maximum amount of time with them and be involved with them to the fullest extent of what my legal rights say I can. Based on the uniqueness of my job, I cannot move for full custody and only want what is best for children. I will not be viewed as a mark and be allowed to be bullied by her in this area. I do not wish for this to become a “War of the Roses or Kramer vs Kramer.” I am hoping for a mature and amicable separation-divorce settlement, one in which my rights are legally preserved.


#10

I suggest you retain a lawyer immediately. The attorneys will do the communicating for you. I know you want to be amicable, which is great, but you don’t necessarily want to go defense or offensive either. You need representation asap. Her lawyer will NOT look out for you, only for her.


#11

I would suggest you meet with an attorney and begin the process of analyzing the financial state of your marital property. The attorney you hire will likely have his or her preferred strategy. Some attorneys prefer to set the stage and take the first stab and drafting a proposed agreement, and others prefer to allow the other side to make the first move. Legally it makes no difference which side makes the first attempt to settle.


#12

Since the initial shock has kind of worn off, I’ve been gathering legal opinions about my upcoming separation/divorce (see previous posts). Since the wife informed me of her decision to seek separation and then divorce and that there would be no changing her mind, she has grown somewhat quiet on the subject. I tried for 2 days to talk her out of it but to no avail. She supposedly has met with an attorney who she has led me to believe will represent her. She has’t discussed the situation at all other than to, in my opinion, to fish for info from me. Some of the legal opinions differ now. Since she sprung this all on me and I was caught off guard, what should I do now? Should I (after attaining council), present her with the separation agreement, or play defense? The thinking one lawyer floated was that since she wanted all this, and if the situation was/is so bad that it pushed her to this point, let her move forward with it. They told me it would make my barganing power more solid the longer I waited since she seemingly wants out so badly. I don’t know at this point but think that the acrimony/silence and mind games et al at home involving the uncertanty are making everyone including the children uneasy. I feel paralized in that I feel as though I cannot parent without fear of her trying to make accusations that I am being unfit as a parent and that any disapline she would contend would be used against me. I now feel that us moving away from each other is the best course of action, but I don’t want to give up perceived leverage in terms of a separation agreement. Should I present her with a fair agreement or wait on her to present her’s with respect to Mr. Rosen assersion that any agreement should be sent forth too high and barganed downwardly to an acceptable agreement (See previous posts related to what I would contend would be a fair deal)? Thank you!


#13

If you are in a place where you are ready to move forward, I suggest you have your attorney prepare a settlement proposal so that you may begin to move forward. You and your attorney will have to decide on a strategy as you know the facts better than anyone else.


#14

About a month ago my wife informed me that she wanted a separation/divorce (see previous posts). At the time, it hit me out of the blue. Over the weekend she seemingly reversed course somewhat and informed me that she now may be having 2nd thoughts. I don’t trust her and think that she may be setting a trap of sorts hoping that I may do something/anything that she could use to have me removed from the house. Having me let down my guard etc. Getting into a disagreement/argument, provoke me or things along those lines. I felt as though one of the strong points on my side was that since she wanted the whole thing, then that would benifit me in gaining more concessions on a separation agreement. Would I have less, or the same leverage if I were to go to her with a proposal at this point? When she hit me with this a month ago, I asked her to remain in counciling with me but at that time she refused. She now wants to resume those. I had planned to go anyway no matter the circumstances. I told her we could, but to myself I only did this to keep the peace so as not to provoke anything and to give myself more time to gain information. Any legal significance in my circumstances?


#15

Since you are not yet separated there are no legal consequences of trying to work on the marriage at this point. However keep in mind that any debts incurred or property acquired is marital in nature up to the date of separation. I suggest you make sure she does not have financial motives for her sudden change of heart.