Need Advice on Spouse's BF and my Children


#1

My wife and I are separated. We share 50/50 custody of the children and the calendar was marked that I will have them Easter Sunday. My wife asked if she could have them for a few hours on that day but also told me she wanted the kids to spend time with her and her boyfriend that day.

We have been separated for 8 months but I do not want my children around him right now and I don’t see how this will be of any interest to the kids. I told my wife I was not comfortable with this and asked if she could please not have the kids around him until we are divorced. She replied she understood my concerns but was not asking and she was their mother and would not put in a situation that would be detrimental to them.

The issue is I don’t honestly trust her and I don’t think she puts the kids number one priority based on some actions she has done in the past.

I want to tell her that I will not release the kids to her on Easter Sunday if the children are going to be around him. Would this be ill-advised? How does NC courts view having children around a spouse’s boyfriend/girlfriend before you are divorced? Would it be ill-advised to warn her of a Alienation of Affection claim against her boyfriend if she does not compromise? I have emails and witnessed that support their relationship before we separated.

Note: Our separation agreement does not say anything about dating or having the children around boyfriends/girlfriends. Also I am not in a relationship or have been.

Thank you


#2

The simple solution to the Easter Sunday visitation is to deny her request if your separation agreement is clear that you are to have the children on Easter Sunday and it does not provide for any visitation with the mother during that day.

However, for other visitation periods, if your separation agreement does not speak to the parents’ boyfriends or girlfriends being around the children, then your wife can bring her boyfriend around the children.

Courts may or may not allow a parent to bring children around a significant other for a short period of time after a separation, however, Courts tend to be a little more strict with significant others as an overnight guest while the children are in that parent’s care. However, this is ultimately up to a judge and can be very fact-specific.

Only warn of an alienation of affection claim if you intend to follow through with such a claim. However, an alienation of affection claim will generally not affect the children or the custody schedule.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

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#3

Truly it is unhealthy for either you or your spouse to introduce your children to a significant other while separated. I would venture to say even after the divorce some time will be needed. Your ex is not thinking of the children because she is justifying her selfishness and I sympathize because my ex-wife did the same thing. I think that you should work within the confines of your agreement and enjoy Easter with your children per your agreement. Remember that children do you not understand everything that is going on during their time and that you sitting the best examples for them will help them when things become extremely confusing.