Children meeting girlfriend


#1

I will hopefully be divorced soon, and have been dating a woman for about six months during our seperation. My wife knows that I am seeing someone and is very jealous that I have moved on. I have never let my 2 children meet my girlfriend so far because 1) I don’t want to introduce them to someone so soon after our seperation, and wanted to see if it is a serious relationship first 2) My soon to be ex would have a fit about it. It has been a little over a year now, and hopefully this divorce will be final in the next couple of months, but my wife says that she will “never let our girls be around my slut”. Anyway, I see this relationship getting serious in the near future and probably living together. Can she stop me from having the kids to where I live? I am a good father and would never even consider letting my kids around someone that I didn’t think was a respectable person. My girlfriend is definitely not a bad person in any way, and has no criminal record, drug issues or anything that might paint her to be a bad person other than dating me before I am officially divorced. Will my wife be able to stop me from having my kids around her? I have heard that in NC judges sometimes will say that children can’t spend the night in the same house as someone of the opposite sex that I’m not married or related to. Does this actually happen very often? I just want to move on with my life…


#2

I am not an attorney but yes it can be done. I know this because it is in my husband’s custody order. I was never allowed to spend the night while he had his son (every two weeks). Your girlfriend may be a saint, but this is really to look out for the best interest of the children. If your girlfriend is as good as you says she is, she will have the respect and patience that it takes to be with someone who is divorced with children. I married my husband and step parenting has it’s own set of issues. It is only for women who are strong enough to be able to deal with the stresses that come along with your ex always being involved indirectly in and with your life.


#3

Yes it can happen but more than likely it will not. Do you have a separation agreement? Usually that clause is thrown in there but sometimes it depends on the wording. My husband’s said that there could be no one of the opposite sex on overnights that the children had not become accustom too. By the time we moved in, the kids knew me very well. His ex tried to stop it by running to her lawyer. Nothing came of it.

Your wife is angry and more so because you have moved on. She wants to control a situation that she thinks she will be able to control. My thoughts are with you because after 3 years, I still deal with an angry ex-wife.

You really have to look at your separation agreement and see what it says about such matters.


#4

I too went through a similar situation with my husband and his ex. they had the same clause in their separation agreement. He stuck to it though she did not. She attempted to try to keep me away from the children but it obviously did not work. His ex went off the deep end when she found out he was dating someone, though she was on her third boyfriend by then. We went through a year of her yelling, screaming, cursing, threatening physical violence (occasionally in front of the children) and eventually got to me avoiding her. I never spoke a word to her (I don’t respond well to that behavior) and rarely even looked at her. Other than at a grandparents memorial service last year, I haven’t even seen her in over two years. I don’t talk about her to the children except in cases where I have to mention that they will be at their mother’s for some time frame. After almost 5 years, his ex getting on medication, and him setting boundaries and putting his foot down a lot, things have settled down.

I never stayed overnight while the children were there until the week or so before we were married. I would stay all day and go home by 10pm on the nights they were there. She had her boyfriend living with her and had the children lying about it, but for some reason it was still a big deal that I was around the children. Regardless of what she wanted I wouldn’t have stayed overnight. My husband and I wanted to show the children what we believed was the right way to have a relationship. It was a long and sometimes difficult two years, but it was well worth it.
I’ve never understood how some people can move in with another person the week after they leave their spouse but yet, the other parent, trying to do the right thing is threatened with having their children taken away because they introduce their children to their boyfriend/girlfriend after a couple months…
Once my husband began pointing out to his ex that the children knew about her boyfriends; had slipped up a couple times about them staying overnight; and had even seen her making out with one, she quit making such a big deal out of us holding hands in front of the children or that I stayed until 10:30 to finish watching a movie…

If this woman is strong enough to make it through this and has the understanding it takes to see that the children come first, then she may worth any aggrivation you get from the ex. There are really no reasons that your stbx and your girlfriend should have to interact.
The only way that your stbx could keep her away from the children is to prove that she is a danger to them. Barring that, you are allowed to have your children around anyone you choose. If your stbx is determined to have this brought up in court, make sure that it is stated that she would not/does not stay the night when the children are there.
If you believe that this relationship is serious then introducing her to the children is inevitable. Give everyone time to adjust and make sure the children know they can be honest about how they feel. Keep in mind that all children want their parents to be together and that there may be some stuff that your girlfriend should not take too personal. Just because they may want you and their mother together does not mean they do not have room in their lives for someone new to love too. It will not diminish how they feel about you or their mother.
I will keep you in my thoughts. Good Luck!


#5

I do see clauses regarding romantic interests not being allowed to spend the night when the children are in a parent’s presence; however, more often than not these clauses are in Separation Agreements or Consent Orders. In my experience judges will not impose this restriction as it offends a person’s right to live with whom they choose. Unless your ex could somehow prove your new girl friend is a danger to the children, you will likely be allowed to have her spend the night (live with you) when the children are with you.