Intro kids to new GF/BF during divorce


#1

So I guess because your friend is upset because her husband left she trying to controll how he spends time with his children, the only thing will happen is the courts will tell both parent that they are not to have overnight visits of the opposite sex while the children is in their custody.The best thing for your friend to do is not worry about what hes doing but making sure your children are in a good environment.


#2

Actually, she talked to two clinical child psychologists who advised keeping the children away from the “third” party until the “air” cleared. Furthermore, that MUCH “contunuity, familiarity and predictability” were the things that both parents need to focus on right now without introducing anymore factors in the equation or demands in their lives. THATS when she asked him to wait and he agreed based on the fact that it was best for the children’s emotional stability.However, he lied and did the exact opposite. She has no problem with him seeing the children at all on his own or with his family-just not with the other woman at this particular time(and he already wants to have them overnight at the new woman’s house which is, in my opinion, unreasonable-it’s only been three and a half weeks). I was more curious as to what legally can be done to regulate any of this and what a lawyer would advise both of them to do.


#3

Until you get a court order your lawyer will advise you to document everything thats factual din’t assume anything. see how you kids behave after a visit with their dad, for all you know they might like the other woman and they may see her as a friend of daddy as long as there is no inappropriate behavior going on in front of the kids meaning daddy doesn’t needs to be kissing another woman in front of his kids. but I think mom is more focus on daddy moving on then actually worrying about her kids. the only thing mom should be worrying about is ,if dad is going to put their kids in danger and if that was truly her worry then she would not let her kids go with their dad. I bet everytime she speaks with you the conversation is about what hes doing and not about the kids.


#4

As much as your friend is hurting now and angry at her husband making too much of an issue of this is not going to help the kids out. In the long run it will be better for all if as “fatherdoright” says she just makes sure the kids are in a good environment and that the new woman is not spending the night while kids are there until after the divorce - if that is important to her. The children will pick up on all these negative emotions and it will make it more difficult for them to adjust to the inevitable changes that will come during the divorce and aftermath.


#5

After we all urged my friend to trust him to make sure sure he wouldn’t subject the kids to anything psychologically damaging-this is what happened:
My friend called me yesterday and said the children came home from a visit with their dad-crying.
They said "So and so is Daddy’s new wife. We want daddy to be your wife. And Daddy said he doesn’t love you anymore"
So much for that.


#6

He might be moving to fast with the kids,but at least hes telling them the truth (as hurtfull as it is) he probably could didn’t say it the way your friend is telling you but the out come is still the same, for the kids sake your friend need to set aside her anger for her ex just so both of them can sit the kids down and expain that mommy and daddy is no longer together but they both still love them and will be there for them and they are not the reason for the break up.But I bet shes not willing to do that, she rather talk bad about him to the kids.


#7

These are just little kids. Who knows what exactly was said. What should probably happen is that mom and dad need to sit down with kids and explain what is going on so kids don’t feel pulled between the two of them.


#8

Fatherdrought,

Really, you have no idea. She NEVER talks bad about him. She is probably one of the most sincere honest people I have ever met in my life. She actually reminds me both in looks and demeanor of Jennifer Anniston. She has an innocence about her you don’t see everyday.

He cheated on her before. She forgave him but that was his one and only chance. He didn’t “leave” her. She asked him to leave this time. And she has since found out that he was never “faithful” in the true sense even while they were dating. He even hit on her best friend.

She tell them everynight that this is not about THEM. That God made mommies AND daddies to ALWAYS love their children no matter what happens.

They both also sat down with them and explained that Mommy and Daddy don’t love each other the way husbands and wives are supposed to anymore and that doesn’t make them happy so Daddy wanted to move out so everyone could be happy.

She has consulted professionals about this and is trying to handle in the best way possible which is to not let the children see or hear how angry one is at one’s spouse in any way, shape or form.
They have enough hurt to deal with. The children don’t need to be put in the middle and have to pick sides. But her husband isn’t handling this apparentl;y in the same manner.


#9

So I guees you and her expect her husband to put his life on hold , it is clear that hes trying to move on with his life with someone-else and shes still hurting. But men bounce back quicker then women.


#10

The fact of the matter is it’s not right to have an affair or “move on” until you have at least filed for divorce.
You are right, men do bounce back quicker but you should be doing your bouncing with your wife while you are married.
If you fall out of love -get counseling or get divorce.


#11

Also, I thought attorneys responded here as well? Am I incorrect?


#12

First, if he moved in with her it will be difficult for him to have the children overnight without her there, unless he sends her to a hotel.
Second, children are more resilient than you might think. As long as he isn’t neglecting the children, in my opinion there’s no reason to have that adjustment period. The children would then be adjusting to a situation that is not actual or honest. Why let them get used to Mommy & Daddy being apart and then have to get used to Mommy or Daddy’s new partner along with all the harsh feelings the ex has of “he never did that with me” or “She didn’t do this for me while we were married”? Sometimes in that situation it becomes difficult to remember that these are children and not adults when the emotions get the better of you and the wrong things can get said.
Third, his life is his own now as is hers. Neither has any say over what the other one does or says. His wife’s wishes do not matter any longer, (may not ever have mattered from the sound of it)and if he’s willing to break the promise of “Love, Honor and Obey…Until death do us part” why would he have a problem breaking the promise he made of not introducing the new girlfriend to the kids??? If she didn’t trust him before, she will not trust him now. Every agreement they had before is void now. And expect the kids to learn to play them against each other to one extent or another.


#13

A friend of mine recently found out her husband has been having an affair for the last 8 months. He moved out and is now living with the “other” woman. They have been married for eight years and have a 7 and a 4 year old.

She JUST filed for divorce.

Her husband has already introduced the children to his new love against his wife’s wishes.( He didn’t inform her of where he was taking them) She stated to him that she understood this woman was going to apart of his life but would he please refrain from introducing her for 10 weeks so the children can first get used to him not living there, then to the fact of the divorce, the new love and him living with this new person and her children.

My questions are:
How does this look from a legal stand point?
What is HIS lawyer going to say about this?
What is the time line recommmended by psychologists in this area?
IS there anything she can;agally do to keep him from taking them around this woman?

Please help. Thanks.