Dating while separated


#1

I have been separated for 5 months now and I have been dating someone for 3 months. I realize this is a short time but it’s been over for me mentally for at least 3 years. Our separation agreement states that a person cannot spend the night while I have the kids until a re-marriage occurs. It says nothing about visiting with that person (i.e. sitting all toegther with kids for dinner, meeting at park, etc…) My ex heard that I met up with my new partner and kids via the kids and pretty much threatened to take me to court for full custody (we currently have joint custody).

She then later said that as long as I get a criminal background check on this person, then she would allow us all to hang out together.

I see nothing wrong with what I’m doing (presenting new person as a friend, no hand holding, kissing, etc…) and don’t feel that it is her right to do this or request this. My ex also stated that she would demand this after we’re divorced (a background check).

Based on the length of time of separation, I’m sure it’s not in my favor if we go to court. Should I call her bluff, wait to we’re divorced…? I would like us to get along, but honestly, don’t want to have to get her apprpoval (even after divorced) to have someone spend time with my kids.

Wondering what my rights are here.


#2

Hmmm, sounds like your wife is only concerned about her kids. I would comply with her request. Whats wrong with a back ground check and maybe even a credit check. Be smart and do whats best for your children. You made them!


#3

[quote=“tc3596”] 1.I have been separated for 5 months now and I have been dating someone for 3 months.

[b]I realize this is a short time but it’s been over for me mentally for at least 3 years.
Our separation agreement states that a person cannot spend the night while I have the kids until a re-marriage occurs. It says nothing about visiting with that person (i.e. sitting all toegther with kids for dinner, meeting at park, etc…) My ex heard that I met up with my new partner and kids via the kids and pretty much threatened to take me to court for full custody (we currently have joint custody).

She then later said that as long as I get a criminal background check on this person, then she would allow us all to hang out together.

2. I see nothing wrong with what I’m doing (presenting new person as a friend, no hand holding, kissing, etc…) and don’t feel that it is her right to do this or request this. My ex also stated that she would demand this after we’re divorced (a background check).

Based on the length of time of separation, I’m sure it’s not in my favor if we go to court. Should I call her bluff, wait to we’re divorced…? I would like us to get along, but honestly, don’t want to have to get her apprpoval (even after divorced) to have someone spend time with my kids.

Wondering what my rights are here.[/quote]

In 1. You mentioned You have been separated 5 months, dating 3 months and mentally its been “over” for you for 3 years. well in case you “forgot” … Your married still, adultery is a criminal act in NC. regardless if it was mentally “over” for you 3 years ago.

In #2, You stated you see nothing wrong with this… NC Law says its wrong (dating while separated means your possibly having sex with the person you are “presenting” as “just a friend” ) In otherwords… Its a lie your presenting to your wife & Children. Did you sign the separation agreement ? Apparently you did and you agreed to the terms, so your stuck with it unless you and your wife (mutually) agree to modify that signed agreement. Seems thats the option you have left. The good thing, even though you don’t see it that way, is that she is protecting BOTH OF YOUR CHILDREN… Something you should also be doing. Who cares if she wants a background check? You might find out something about your new “partner” you did’nt know… or any “future new partners” you have… or she has


#4

Well honestly it all depends on the wording of the seperation agreement. I see you said that no overnights when the kids are there. Does it say anything in the seperation agreement about living as if you were single and unmarried. That is a line that I have personally seen in many seperation agreements. If that is in there no adultry is commited as you are living as if you are unmarried. As far as she goes she seems jealous but I would still be careful. Is the joint custody in the seperation agreement or is there actually another custody agreement. If there is another custody agreement you need to follow that. Also if there is another custody agreement it can only be changed “If there is a signiffagant change in cercimstances”. You seeing someone else more than likely will not fit under that.