New and oh so many questions!


#1

Thank you for your post! I’m glad you’ve been able to get good information from our site.

To answer your questions, yes, primary custody is something that is possible for you. A court would make that decision based on what it feels is in the best interests of your children. However, evidence of his drinking, and depression, as well as your role as the primary care giver, would be key in gaining primary custody of your children. A visitation schedule could be worked out from there.

As far as child support is concerned, even a person without a job has a child support obligation. While it is miminal, it can always be adjusted, based on a substantial change in circumstances, once his income increases. You should either contact a lawyer, or social services to get started on a child support order.

In terms of your privacy, the only thing you should really be concerned about is visitation with your children. Otherwise, you have no reason to tell him about the other aspects of your life.

Dating is always a concern of separated parties. As you have read, dating during the separation is not recommended. Dating while you are still married can subject you to a claim for alienation of affections or criminal conversation. If you have a separation agreement, a waiver of third party claims to lawsuits of alienation of affections and criminal conversation (and other similar acts) can be written in to protect you from those kinds of actions.

I hope that helps. Good luck!

Shonnese D. Stanback
Attorney
The Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 200
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.256.1534 direct voice
919.256.1667 direct fax
919.787.6668 main voice
919.787.6361 main fax
NCdivorce.com
email: sstanback@rosen.com

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#2

Thank you so much for providing this board for us. I have read it many times trying to find answers.
Here is my situation, broken down.

We have been married 15 yrs.

I asked him to leave 2 months ago because I was tired of living with an alcoholic.(Non-violent)
He left and has lived elsewhere.

My concerns are this:
*He is unemployed.
*He is sufferering from depression.
*He still drinks, even after going to treatment.
*He never calls his 3 kids, or makes any attempt to see them.(I know it’s due to his depression)
*Wont talk to me on the phone, which makes it hard to talk about anything to do with the kids or us.
*Won’t seek counseling.
*He was sole provider.
*I stayed at home for 12 yrs to care for the kids.
*I only work PT now, around the kids’ school schedule so that I am home with them.

I have yet to contact an attorney because we cannot afford one.
But, his severance runs out in a month, unemployment will only
run for 6 months. If he doesnt get out of this depression, I worry that the kids and I will lose everything.

Is primary physical custody or sole custody a good possibility for me? I agree to share visitation with him, as long as he is sober.

Will he be required to have some kind of job to provide child support and/or alimony, or am I basically left to my own resources?

What are my privacy rights, if any, now that we are separated? ( you know, him wanting to know my whereabouts and what I am doing with my free time, when he has the children) which has only been once.

Dividing the property is not going to be too much of an issue I think. I think his monetary responsiblities are what I am most concerned with. And his rights as an alcoholic father…visits, decisions, etc.

I have read so many posts about how dating and relationships during the separation period are not recommended. However, I was wondering about something I had heard; if you have a separation agreement, can you include a “clause” that states its OK, if both parties agree, to date? That it will not be held against either party? I was just wondering, because I had heard it somewhere and just wanted to know if it held any validity.

Sorry, hope that is not too many questions. :slight_smile: Thank you.