My stbx and I separated in January of 2019. No infidelity involved, that I know of. I wanted to split marital property 50/50 but he wouldn’t agree to that, he wanted much more and he didn’t want to pay child support even though he only wanted to get our son every other weekend. So we each ended up hiring an attorney and paid for voluntary mediation. Even during mediation, he was demanding 70% of marital property (his 401k was double mine and he didn’t want to factor that in) and he didn’t want to pay child support. Left mediation with no resolve and he told me we’d go to court before he’d pay child support or help with unreimbursed medical or extra curricular for our son. I had already spent $7000 in attorney fees and had to put it on a credit card. A year prior to our separation, he inherited $130,000 in cash so he had plenty of money to spend towards attorneys. ( I wasn’t asking for any of the money he inherited either).
After a few months of no child support or resolve, I told him that he’ll be served with court papers soon that my step dad is paying for me to take him to court. He ended up offering to pay $300 a month for child support but still refused to help with unreimbursed med or extra curricular for our son being in high school band. By this time, I was so desperate for any cs support money, that I agreed to it. At the time he carried our son on his health insurance which costed him $300 a month ($150 was the cost to cover our son) and the deductible was $750 a person with an out of pocket max of $1500. So we had a voluntary agreement written up in the form of a consent order (by my atty’s recommendation) stating how we were distributing the marital property, child custody and child support and that as long as he carries our son on health insurance with the same or similar coverage that he had at the time, that I agreed to pay all unreimbursed medical expenses and all extra-curricular activities and he would pay $300 a month in child support. The NC CS Calculator showed that he should have to pay $420 a month. I asked my attorney how I can make him pay $420 and she said I’d have to take him to court and it would cost me another $5,000 to file court papers and could end up costing me a total of $10,000 or more depending on how long the trial went. I felt like I was bullied into agreeing to his terms because I couldn’t afford to fight, so I signed the agreement. NOW, this past January at my stbx’s open enrollment, he chose the health plan that is free (doesn’t cost him anything now to cover him or our son) BUT the deductible is $3,000 a person with a maximum out of pocket of $6,000. So, not only is he getting $300 more in his paycheck a month from not having to pay for health insurance any longer, he has made my expenses go up because of the deductible that is 4 times higher, plus he’s not giving me more than the $300 child support a month.
Also, in the consent order, the child custody states that we have joint legal custody but that I have primary physical custody and he has visitation getting him every other weekend (Friday & Sat nights) and 2 evening visits for dinner every other week. Since last August, he has only been getting him maybe once a month on a weekend. He hasn’t had him overnight since Christmas. This is all by his own accord. He comes up with an excuse that he can’t get him or if our son has a band performance on a Saturday that falls on his weekend, then he doesn’t bother getting him at all because he said it interferes with their time. So, I would think the fact that he isn’t getting him overnights or evenings as stated in the order and the fact that he no longer pays for health insurance to cover him or our son and that he already hasn’t been paying what the state would order, that these would be considered a substantial change in circumstances. Plus, my employer in January this year, is no longer paying commission, so my pay is being reduced by approximately $3,500 a year.
I need to know how I can ask the court/judge to modify the child support so that he has to pay the amount NC child support calculator indicates, which now that he doesn’t pay anything for medical insurance, means that he should be paying around $500 a month. Also, can I ask the judge to order than he help pay towards unreimbursed medical and extra curricular school expense based on the percentage of the CS support calculator. What steps can I take without having to pay $10,000 to an attorney? Any help, advice is much appreciated!! Thank you!