Pros/Cons after divorce


Divorce papers have been filed March 9th, 2009. He should have been served already. I didn’t put custody or ED in it. He refuses to have it in there.

What are the pros and cons with doing so?

I still have temp primary custody of our son, what is the difference? He feels after we are divorced he can finally settle down with his girlfriend in a home they are buying. He then wants to come fight for cusotdy of our son.

Would this happen? Would he get custody?

Our son is safe and well taken care of here and with his other siblins. Right now if we don’t go to court with custody, he is only entitled to 4 weeks of visitation. Which is two weeks in Sept and two weeks in Nov.

What happens if I don’t let him see him during the summer because I am only going off the order we signed and there is no other order in effect?

Will it be held against me? If i am only going off the order in hand?

Thank you.


If you did not make a claim for ED BEFORE divorce is finalized, you LOSE ANY claim for equitable distribution. Period. After the divorce is finalized, you can’t come back and ask for 50% assets aquire during the marriage (ie: house equity, savings accounts, 401Ks and other assets). It is your right and responsibility to submit the claim…it doesn’t matter if he ‘won’t have it’ …he has no choice in the matter.

If you have an order for visitation, then follow it. Any visitation outside the stated times is your call. The longer the current order and situation is in place, the harder it will be for him to change it. He has to show that it’s in the best interest of the child. He may have a claim for more visitation…since 4 weeks a year is QUITE small. I do not believe he will get full custody. 50/50 at the most unless there is a good reason why he should have full custody.

Make a claim for ED…unless you absolutely are SURE you don’t care about that issue.


Thank you for getting back with me. I truely appreicate it.

In the divorce order it does state that ED will be done at a later date.

He lives in a state far away from here. 50/50 is out of the question. I want the visitation set at 4 weeks during the summer, every other major holiday. I do feel only 4 weeks is small. Our son is going to be 3 in May. I feel a child shouldn’t be kept from the other parent, unless there is major harm to the child.

My other question is this.

Since my STBX left NC on his own and moved back to live with his family. Do I have to pay 50% of the cost for visitation? I stayed here and am rasing my children on my own. He could have stay but choosed to leave to live off his family.

I pay for a home for the children, but he lives free with his grandparents. I have a stable home, he doesn’t. Would this change the order at all?


If you did not make a claim for ED in your divorce complaint you lose your rights to make that claim after the divorce is granted. You should amend your complaint to include a claim for ED, your spouse has no say so in the matter of what claims you make.
If you have temporary custody of your son it may expire in one year, or become permanent in one year depending on the language of the order.
You should not be required to pay any of the expenses to facilitate visitation as he chose to move.


Thank you Erin,

As I had stated before, in the order that was filed for the divorce it did state that the other matters would be heard at a later date.