I understand you feel that your ex would not agree with your desire to relocate. If it is at all possible, I would suggest that you first try the following: ask your ex to consider your concerns with finances and other reasons for wanting to move in hopes of at least your ex hearing your considerations (which your ex may not be able to empathize with you). Ask for your ex to agree to participate in mediation and also consider the two of you seeking the help of a child psychologist to discuss this matter from many angles. A few thoughts, that you may have already considered, that may help you communicate with your ex in this situation: How would you feel if he was the one considering the move and asking to take the kids with him? How will the kids feel about not seeing their other parent on a regular basis? What would a feasible alternative co-parenting schedule look like, given your potential move? What might other solutions be to your concerns that led to your desire to move? Would your ex provide more financial assistance to help you maintain your household in the same locale? Basically, when two parents do not agree on custody, the court will determine what is in the best interests of the kids. If your efforts to reach an agreement fail, and you decide to seek a judge’s decision, this is what might happen. If given the facts, the judge decides more information is needed to help her decide what would be in your children’s best interests, they may seek the help of a guardian ad litem to investigate the facts and report back to the court with their recommendations. Further, a custody evaluation, may also be sought to do a more complete investigation and offer reccommendations to the court. Ultimately, it will be the judges decision. You may have an uphill battle. You may also want to consider your options and potential consequences by talking with a child psychologist or marriage and family counselor. Good luck.

Deborah M. Throm
Rosen Law Firm
1829 E. Franklin Street, Bldg. 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.256.0017 direct
919.321.0780 main voice

4101 Lake Boone Trail
Suite 500
Raleigh, NC 27607
919.256.1544 direct
919.787.6668 main voice

301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
704.644.2531 ext. 100


How feasiable is it to relocate? My divorce will be final and I will be finshing school about the same time (spring). I would like to pursue a position where my extended family resides and the saleries are higher and the real estate less expensive. My spouse would never agree to it by his own accord. We have shared custody at the present time. They spend 21 nights w/me and 10 w/their dad e/m. What is my next step?