Restarting the 1-yr clock?


If you recall, my fiance’s STBX has been stalling the separation/divorce process and refusing to neotiate and sign a separation agreement for three yrs. He is now less than 9 months from the complete “official” separation, documented with her written electronic communication to him. Since that time he has lived in the apt he has had for almost two years. She still refuses to negotiate a separation agreement and has permitted him only a handful of overnights with the children and dinner or driving them to events once or twice a week when it suited her schedule, often making or breaking plans at the last minute. She remained in the family home and has not worked or contributed to mortgage, living, etc. About a week ago he took a phone call from her and she informed him she was leaving the family home in 48 hrs, turning full care of the children over to him at that time, was moving into an apartment (she refuses to give him the address), and would no longer have anything to do with the children unless she decided that driving them to events fit into her schedule but she has not requested any overnights nor has she requested taking them to her apartment. (We have no proof that she has an apartment, only her verbal statement via telephone.) My fiance at this point is back to staying in the family home to minimize the disruption to the children at her leaving them, their schooling, their friends, etc.

She has exhibited impulsive behavior throughout so this latest twist seems abrupt, a bit odd. If she has not gotten an apartment and has only gotten a hotel room or moved in with a friend for awhile (she took clothing but little or nothing else when leaving), there is no written documentation of her moving out, and her STBX-husband has moved back into the house to stabilize life for the children until he can put the house up for sale - can she claim he has returned to the home and that they have reconciled (her word against his) if she has not officially changed her address? Given the current status is my fiance’ in danger of her manipulating the situation in a manner that the “one year clock” will need to be started all over again?


She cannot invent a reconciliation, and her moving out and taking her things, along with your fiancé’s account that she told him she was moving will be enough to show there was no reconciliation. I do suggest that he change the locks on the house now that he is back in.


Too late… She showed up in the family home at 5 this morning, saying she made a mistake. The resulting battle has been going most of the day, kids never got to school, he never got to work, and she won’t leave. Why why why is it that some people won’t stop the manipulation and craziness until they have destroyed everyone’s chances for some happiness, don’t care who they hurt and have no remorse about emotionally abusing family members - especially children - and the legal system lets them get by with this because they are a biological parent of the kids they are screwing up? Just a rhetorical question…there are no answers.


I am sorry to hear things are continuing to get worse. At this point I would recommend your fiancé file suit for equitable distribution and child custody, otherwise she will continue to drag this out.