STBX in Denial

My fiance’ ‘started the clock’ on the official separation in early summer, 2009. Now the STBX is (once again) without a lawyer, has torn up and returned multiple versions of a separation agreement, has refused to meet for mediation since prior to the start of the separation, is playing games with access to the couple’s children, etc. If they get to the point of a year and a day - with no signed separation agreement - what happens? I understand it is possible to finalize a divorce even if the STBX continues to do everything possible to hold the process hostage. But what happens to the jointly held home STBX is living in but not currently paying mortgage on, demands for unrealistic amounts of maintainance, custody (STBX vaciliates between wanting to dump the kids and leave the state and demanding full or joint custody), etc?

If a divorce is entered prior to a settlement on property distribution both parties’ lose their right to have the court distribute the martial property and it passes by title. The parties’ will continue to own the home jointly as both names are on the title, but the process to divide the home (force a sale or buyout) must be perused through the laws of real property and the process can be much more complicated. The best route to take is to include a claim for Equitable Distribution of property in the complaint for divorce, as this preserves the right to the claim while still allowing the divorce to go through.

Wow…ok - what about the custody issues? Does a judge still decide placement for the children if no separation agreement is in place? Will it mean several more months (years?) after the year-and-a-day have passed before the divorce can be finalized if no agreement is in place? And if the STBX refuses to get another lawyer, ignores communication attempts from my fiance’s lawyer, won’t engage in productive conversation related to a settlement, etc. how is a fair amount of maintainance calculated - is there a formula for this similar to the starting-point formula for calculating child support? Does a STBX’s history of stalking, harrassment, and stalling the process by refusing to cooperate with it usually make any difference in these kinds of situations if it is left to a judge to determine custody or maintainance?

Custody can be agreed to, or decided by the court at any time regardless of the timing of divorce.

If the other side does not engage in the process a court action should be filed to ensure custody and support are established. The other party’s actions of stalking and harassment may be relevant in a determination of custody if those actions are found to affect the best interests of the child, however, a refusal to negotiate a settlement is irrelevant and inadmissible in court.

Child support is indeed based on a calculation using the gross incomes of both parties, medical insurance expenses for the child, and any day care costs for the child. There is a child support calculator on this website which you can use to estimate the amount of child support in your particular case.

Is there a formula used to determine maintainance?

And thank you for your prompt and direct, ‘no-nonsense’ responses to my questions.

The child support calculator.

I am in a similar situation. My spouse is non responsive and stalling the process. What are my options if he doesn’t respond to court dates for PSS, Alimony, child support etc? I was in an abusive relationship for many years and decided to leave the home.

Assuming your husband was properly served with the complaint and all notices of hearings for court dates, then you can still have a trial and testify and present evidence without him, and the judge can still enter postseparation support, alimony, and child support orders.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

Ew! Why are you sending me these email? You must have the wrong address. STOP immediately!

What if they ask for extension of court date right before the initial hearing to prolong the process? I do have an option to file for DBB but want to keep it as last resort and I was thinking of switching the PSS hearing date with DBB complaint. Can the spouse ask for extension of DBB date too?

If the other side asks for a continuance for any court dates, you can object to that continuance request. It would then be up to the judge whether or not to allow or deny the continuance request or motion.

Any party can ask for any court date to be continued, but judges do not routinely grant such requests or motions.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.