Separation agreement out of date

We had an absolute divorce cause we had a verbal agreement for custody. I did have a separation agreement written up, signed and notorized but in it hasn’t been court ordered. I recently got remarried and my ex is doing whatever she wants saying if I don’t allow her wishes, she will disappear with my son.
As of right now we have open custody and visitation. My son is with me when my ex is working and we share custody about 50/50.
On the days that she is supposed to have him but is working, he will be with me till she gets off work. As of yesterday she told me that my son will not be with me when she works, that he will stay at her house with her son from her previous marriage. Our son is 9 and her son from her previous is 14. Legally, do I have any say as to my wishes or can she do whatever she wants?
I can’t afford to take her to court at this time but a father should still have rights even without a court ordered custody agreement. What can I do to keep her on our verbal schedule?

You have equal rights to your child unless there is a notarized agreement or court order that says otherwise. You are free to pick the child up from school or day-care anytime you wish.

Well her son came today to pick up my son. I didn’t want it to happen but she told me there is nothing I can do about it. Can a 14 year old watch a 9 year old without an adult around? Can she move out of state with my child without my consent whenever she wants?

A 14 year old can watch a younger child. If your ex threatens to move or moves out of state with the child you will need to file an action for emergency custody to have him returned to the state.