Separation Agreement / QDRO


#1

For years I’ve been living under very controlling circumstances. Two years into the marriage, my husband raped me. We had two children by that time and I felt as though I was trapped. We moved here to NC for a job, and we went on to have two more children, I am homeschooling, we only had one vehicle - so I was always left on foot with all of the kids, never allowed to begin my college education (which I was promised if I moved out here), etc…so, no money, no vehicle, no freedom. He didn’t want me to get a formal education because he knew if I had my own source of income, I’d leave. I had to stay home with the kids for the past 14 years…I just couldn’t live like this any longer, for the kids, or to myself. I had an affair, and am still with the person. I asked my husband for a divorce over a year ago, WELL before the affair started. He said absolutely not. It was “cheaper to keep her”. I know, there’s no good reason. I accept full responsibility. He had proof of my affair but continued to live in the same house and stay married for MONTHS.

He knows that I have no money, no formal education to get any sort of job that would provide decent pay, and he still insists that I homeschool the kids because he doesn’t want to pay for daycare. He offered me a settlement, which comes out to roughly 30%. Not the 50/50 that it should be. I agreed to the property settlement, but do not agree with the custody and child support parts of the agreement. He’s saying that I have to agree to all or nothing. Is that correct?

Also, money is a huge issue. I need the money from the property settlement to get a home for myself and the children. He knows this…that’s why he’s only offering 30% instead of 50%, and why he’s pushing to have me agree to the child support and custody (they’re both substantially biased). He knows I need the money now. And he knows that I don’t have the money to fight him legally. He’s always manipulated every situation, including this one.

Do I have the right to file a QDRO before any agreement is reached? That would be the only way to fund the move that is so desperately needed.
Thanks for any help you may be able to provide.


#2

You do not have to agree to anything, and I do not recommend you settle for less than 50% of the marital property. You do not have to agree on all i ssues to settle one issue.
A qdro is used to divide retirement at the end of Equitable Distribution, and the money goes into a retirement account for you, if cashed out there are taxes and penalties.