I believe that since you are so involved you could get a judge to order that she not move. I think that if her job demanded it or there was a better life for the children there it may be that she would have a better chance of getting the ok for it. You should fight this. Being remarried, with a stepchild, you could possibly provide a stable home environment enough so that custody could change. It sounds, even though they do not stay overnight, that you do have them an equal amount of time…that will go a long way in court.
Maybe there’s a possibility of the children staying with you for the summer until she gets established, if she moves…that way, if you would file for modifying custody the court would see that you are willing and able to care for the children primarily should custody change to you…Just a thought.
They do spend the night every other weekend. I just don’t see a way she could make a move work in their best interest. We live in an area in which she could find another job easily given what she does for a living if need be. She’s a confessed workaholic. If she’s in a state without any backup, all I can see is my children rotting away in daycare somewhere while she climbs the ladder.
I’m worried, my chidren are extremely important to me and I can’t imagine only seeing them in the summer or extended vacations. I will fight her.
Thanks for your input.
I just wanted to add one more thing:
Wouldn’t she be at an even bigger disadvantage if I am available more to be with the children? As it stands right now, my work schedule would afford the children less time in daycare. One child not needing it at all except in the summer, the other only needing it on a part-time basis.
I’m just trying to get my ducks in a row here in case of a fight.
What I meant by overnight is those three days a week that you get them. It would look better if you were keeping them overnight on those days as well as every other weekend.
If this does go to court, you being available to the children more will look very good.
I suggest that you start documenting everything you can now. Be prepared for the worst. Let her know up front that you do not intend to allow her to take the children away from you. Get a recorder on your phone. See if you can reason with her in respect to her allowing you to keep the children overnight more now so that they could get used to this arrangement and would be more difficult to get it changed. Appeal to her on behalf of the children that you think this is what’s best for them to spend a little more time with you if she’s working so much…Maybe make it seem as though you’re also doing this for her benefit. (Whether or not you care that she benefits)
Depending on what your custody agreement is now, you could file for modification regardless of whether or not she does move. If you are the primary caregiver, then the children IMHO should be with you…
She’s a stickler for what our agreement already says. She doesn’t allow extra time unless it suits her (like for work). She has never once allowed me an extra overnight even when asked in advanced. In fact, there is no reason that I shouldn’t have the kids on the remaining other nights but she has said that it would be “unfair to her” for me to have the kids more and would rather they be in daycare.
Thankfully i’ve always kept good records and now I guess I will be sure to stay on top of it. I have started to ask for extra time with the children and will keep proposing it. All my requests (and her denials) are in writing.
Thank you for easing my mind somewhat. I know that if we go to court it could go either way and I intend to stand my ground.
She has been told that I have no intention to ever consent to her moving out of state with the children however she is free to do as she wishes on her own behalf and I would work on a visitation schedule with her for her own visits with the children.
At the very least, from what I have read on here and other sites, unless there is a great finacial or personal gain reason for the move you can most certainly have the court order her to stay within the state. Especially with the agreement. So she wants to make sure that you follow that agreement to the letter as far as no extra time, but she doesn’t want to follow it herself ?..
I commend you on keeping written documentation and constantly requesting more time. There are a lot of parents out there who will not request more time for the simple fact that they know the other parent will refuse.
For your sake, I hope that she’s just making idle threats.
Are your children old enough to express their desires in this? With my stepsons, a big reason that their mother has not tried to file for modifying so that she has primary physical custody is that they have both told her that they do not want that. They like the way things are with being able to see both parents an equal amount of time.
My children are still young. One is in school but the other is not quite there.
My ex doesn’t seem to think that the rules apply to her. She wants to take extended weekends for travel and such things but will not allow it when I want the same thing. I’ve learned that now I must get her to agree to extra time BEFORE she can take her’s otherwise mine never happens. Of course, now that i’ve put that in place, she hasn’t asked for me to swap days. When I ask to swap days, the answer is always no.
I wish it could be a better situation and she would see that the “best interest of the children” she hides behind are best served by spending time with their father and getting along to the best of our ability. In her mind though, we are only getting along when i’m doing what she wants me to do. She’s only nice when she wants something.
You would think she would be happy to have help in raising our children and the fact that I would never walk away from them. Instead, she seems to resent me for being around.
In my mind my asking for extra time shows that I WANT to be involved in my children’s lives and she isn’t cooperating. At least it shows a very distinct pattern.
We have a similar situation so I hope you get an answer!
We had a similar situation…it’s all about control. I feel sorry for you…sometimes this gets better w/ time and if that controlling person gets into a healthy relationship.
Your level of involvement with your children will definitely make it harder for her to get permission from the court to move. If it appears that she intends to move despite your objections, you may want to file a lawsuit and ask the court to address the issue of custody.
P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit radio.rosen.com/live for details
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
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I have kids 3 days a week after school until at least 6 but sometimes later because of her working late. Also every other weekend. I am at every single doctor’s appt, school event, baseball game, etc. All my family is here. I am remarried and my wife and step child is also very close to my kids.
She is threatening to move to South Carolina. SHe has not given a reason. She has a job here that pays well. The only thing I can think of is because MAYBE they are opening another location and she sees an opportunity. She has no family or friends that I am aware of in the state of South Carolina.
Our agreement has a clause that we cannot live more than a certain amount of miles from each other without consent of the other party or a judge. I imagine she will fight me on this.
I will fight her to keep the children here if I need to. I have no issue with her going if that is what she wants to do but feel the children’s best interest is here.
Despite all this, and I know it’s been answered previously but what are the chances of a judge allowing her to move and take the children with her? Are they less because i’m so involved?