I’ve been a North Carolina residant since September, 2002. I was married May 17th, 2003 in NC, and seperated June 1st, 2003. I have a few questions about my divorce that I need answered so I know how to go about it.
I’ve been visiting with my new parter since September, 2003 in Vancouver, Canada. We’re a gay couple and I need to spend as much time as possible with her before I can apply for residancy in Canada. I’m not a residant of Canada yet, and NC is where I return when the time limit for my visits end here. I do not have an NC drivers license though. I never had it updated from the previous state I lived in (Oregon) because I’d always intended to move back to Oregon. Of course now I don’t, and I never did, but I’m not going to be returning to NC until the Christmas holiday, and I need to obtain my divorce before then. I spoke with an attorney who told me that she could represent me without my being present, but I wanted to make sure that I can be represented as an NC residant without NC identification.
My husband is an alcholic and abusive. He and I were in a platonic relationship and married for financial reasons that I regretted right away. Since seperating, he has began, for lack of a better word, stalking me. I haven’t seen him since September, 2003 and I haven’t spoken to him since February, 2004. Since cutting off contact with him, he’s tried to contact me through email and by harassing my friends and family. My partner came to NC with me in March and our home was broken into while we were away. A dvd player that had belonged to both my husband and myself, and all of my dvds had been stolen, but nothing that belonged to our roommate had been stolen. Of course we strongly suspect that it was my husband who broke in, but no one confronted him about it, as I feel my safest option in this situation is to avoid him entirely. I’ve changed my email address since I stopped speaking to him, and my friends and family are dismissive, but polite with him when he does call or email them, and they don’t offer him any information about me. Because he’s never recieved an angry reaction, his attention has continued and it’s very uncomfortable. My husband has a criminal history of violence and alcohol abuse and he’s very volatile. I have been the victim of his abuse many times (though we were only married for a couple of weeks before our seperation, I’ve known him since 1995 and lived with him since 1997), so I am very interested in communicating directly with him as little as possible.
When we were on speaking terms last summer, he and I drove from NC to the west coast together so that I could visit with my partner in Vancouver (he knew about her and, at the time, accepted my relationship with her and the end of our relationship. I have an avidavit that he signed and had notarized attesting to our seperation.) He intended to live in Oregon, but moved to Vancouver Washington in the fall of 2003. Since I lost contact with him, I do not know where he lives, and he has a problem with lying, so whenever he does offer up information about his life to anyone I know, I assume it’s a lie. I do not wish to try and track him down, so I don’t know where to have the divorce papers sent when I have them filed. Additionally, he continuously tells my family when he calls that he’s filed for divorce, and that the papers will be sent to them in NC (I live with my parents). Of course these papers never show up, but if, for some reason, he does apply for a divorce and I apply seperatly around the same time, how would that work out? Is there a way I can find for sure if he filed or not before I file?
Finally, my husband and I have no children, share no property, and I’m not interested in any sort of financial support from him. We seperated our shared belongings that remain in NC last winter and I have nothing of his. He does have a few of my belongings, some clothing and knick knacks, but I don’t want to fight for them. I understand that my being in a relationship with someone else would make me exempt from recieving alimony anyway. He’s been in relationships with other people too since we were married, but it really doesn’t matter and I really have no interest in anything from him but a divorce. So, even if it does turn out that I’m entitled to any sort of support, I don’t want it. Our divorce was not one of love or tradition. He and I are both gay and we’d been roommates for years and we were married for health benefit reasons that never ended up being put into effect. The marriage should have never happened, and now all I want is to be divorced so that I can be free from him and his abuse, and so that I can go forward with my immigration plans with my partner.
My worries are his instability, my inability to be in NC for another 4 months, but desire to file for divorce immediately, my not having NC identification even though it is my home state, my not knowing where his current residance is, and how I will be treated in the state of NC because I am gay.
If anyone can provide any answers to any of these questions, I’d very much appreciate it. Thank you.