If all of this occurred recently you are going to have a tough time winning over the oldest 2. I have never heard of such limited visitation on this forum, but I guess anything is possible. We actually had a different custody/visitation agreement for the 17 yr old then we did for the one that was 9.
Such limited visitation makes you automatically the “Disneyland Dad”, trying to make the 6 hrs as fun and memorable…and unrealistic as possible.
If you cannot modify this custody, even just for the 11 yr old, I would at the very least stick with the 6 hrs every other weekend. Mom and kids probably don’t realize how this will damage everyone in the future.
My exwife and I settled on that and it was put into a court order at the time of the CS/PSS hearing. My kids had gone to counselling for 6 months and i was afraid to go to court and let the judge decide as they were ready to call the kids psychogist in to testify. The kids vehemently did not wish to see me.
Honestly, I have not enforced them seeing me for the 6 hours every other WE. I was living with my girlfriend and her son befoe we were divorced and part of the ageement was that when the kids saw me I was not to have my GF or her son along. I found this very restricting to me as they are now a big part of my life.
I plan to go to court to ask the judge to enforce visitation now that I am remarried. I have never hurt or abused my children but they have always felt closer to their mother.
My question is: do you think I will have a chance having the judge grant me more time when I never exercised my time before or will the judge likely still leave it up to the children’s wishes?
if your court order states that you get 6 hrs every other weekend you don’t have to go back to court to get that. You inform your ex that you will be there to pick up the kids - the law is at least on your side as far as your right to have the kids for those 6 hrs. I would talk or e-mail your ex that you intend to get back to those 6 hrs to try and rebuild your relationship with the kids and would like her support this. If the kids refuse to go with you then she will have to try to modify custody and you will have to go through mediation and counseling. What you need to start doing is showing up at least every other weekend to demonstrate that you are serious about spending time with your children, regardless of which, if any kids go with you. I would keep things very casual and maybe just start out with a meal out or a hike in the woods. I would probably also try and talk one on one w/ the older kids and tell them you’re sorry and would like the opportunity to try again with them. Their feelings are hurt because of the divorce and also because you put your new relationship and that woman’s child ahead of them…you have a lot of ground to cover there but you need to show them you are willing to move forward and perhaps they will in time as well.
The court can force visitation and counseling, it sounds like seeking those things would be a good idea.
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
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My court order states I can visit with my children 6 hours every other weekend and anytime inbetween as agreed upon by the kids. They are 17, 15 and 11. I would say it was my ex holding them back but it is not, but I do not think she encourages them much. She just agrees with their wishes. I call and talk to them but they politely say “no” or “I am busy with schoolwork”. If I do see them it will be for a meal which lasts an hour. I particularly want to see the 11 year old but he will only come if his oldest brother comes along. The older 2 are bitter at me since the separation and divorce and I do not know if they will ever forgive me. I feel it is actually my two older children who are alienating my youngest from me.
Can the court make or force my kids to go with me. I want to be a part of their lives but I do not want to force them if they do not want to visit but I feel the longer we stay apart from each other the more distant we become.
I am suffereing from depression myself and my guilt is overwhelming. Is it possible that the court would ask for the children to go to counseling with me.