I suggest that you two sit down and work out the same schedule every month. Get a calendar and write down his visitation so that it’s set for the entire year. If something comes up, then work around it by a day or two but don’t change the entire schedule for one day.
You both are emotional and defensive about this. Calm down and discuss it with him. What he’s hearing is “No, you can’t have the kids…”. What you are hearing is “You can’t stop me from seeing my kids…”.

If he lives far enough away then he is going to have to realize that you can not pick up and leave with that many children. In those instances, he would need to drive the entire distance to pick up the children and you two schedule a day that you can drive the entire distance to pick them up from the visit. If during the week is better for him, then have him pick them up during the week…providing they are not going to miss school…and you pick them up on the weekend since weekends are better for you.

It’s not a good idea to deny visitations because the children have a cough or runny nose. Unless they are very ill, they can be taken care of and/or medicated whereever they are. (We’ve dealt with this numerous times…)

Get the holidays worked out on a schedule and realize that this will all change when the children begin school. The temporary order can not solve all the differences, so you will need to work together. If you set a schedule then do not plan things for that time. That way you don’t have to cancel things with the family. That time is set aside for them to be with their father and it’s known.
Right now things are probably a little messy if this is a new situation, but it will calm down. Trust that it does get easier and hang in there…

The issue on sick child. He has been running a fever as well. He only has medical insurance in NC. My soon to be ex is about 21-22 hours away. My stxb has never, ever taken him to any of his appt or ER. He even told me he wouldn’t know what to do.

Our Divorce is almost done. We have a few months to go. So saying that, no we have been at it a long time. He is only allowed 4 weeks. He missed it in Sept and then he has Nov. That is it. Not this whole year thing.

I did tell him I would never keep him away from his son. Oh gosh that is bad. I feel a child should be around both parents. But my stbx is the one who left us and it is not my fault he wanted to run home to his family. He could have stayed here.

Anyhow I talked with my attorney and with our son only being 2 yrs old then I am in the right since he has cancelled all the other times. That I was being nice to give him 3 weeks in Dec. But he would have to do it on the date I was saying. I can’t keep changing my schedule for him to do things when he never changes his. He has nothing going on but for one weekend a month and that is at the beginnning of each month. Thank you again Stepmother.

Is your attorney able to help you work out a schedule with him? If not the two of you may want to consider making your order more specific or getting a parent coordinator who can make these decisions for you.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Sutton Station
5826 Fayetteville Rd. Suite 205
Durham, NC 27713
Phone: (919) 321-0780


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My STBX and I have been battling back and forth on visitation. Our temp order doesn’t state what day or time, it just states what month. Well I have given him dates that would work for me but he says they won’t work for him. I tell him that it is not fair for me to cancel things with the family and other children as well. We never come up with a good date.

Well I told him since this month is not going to work then we will do it in Dec. I told him that the second weekend will work because the 1st weekend he has guard. He told me no that the first week would work for him. I can’t drive to meet him when i have other children who are at school during the week and i have to be home when they get home. During the week is not going to work. Weekends are better I can get a friend to watch the other 4 children.

He threatened and said he will be here this weekend since the order says visitation for Nov. I told him No because the kids are sick. Runny nose’s, fevers, coupe coughs, etc. That they are not going to go across country for two weeks being sick. Am i in the wrong?

I told him to stop being selfish and wait til the 2nd weekend in Dec that way he can have them during Christmas. What is so wrong with that? Why is it that i have to give into him and cancel all my stuff but he never comes, but when i say okay this weekend he says no it is this time. I am being nice to let him have them an extra week. He would have them from Dec 13th thru Jan 3rd. What is so wrong with that? He wants them a full month and i said NO. The order is only for two weeks. Helpppppppppppppppppp please.