To file for divorce in NC, you must live separately and apart for at least a year and one day. However, claims regarding property and alimony must be made before the divorce is granted or you lose those rights permanently. The other two areas of concern in family law are custody and child support. Those issues are not lost after a divorce and either party may go before the court in an attempt to change them.
In a separation agreement (which is not a divorce), you can resolve all of these issues if both parties agree. Assuming that your spouse may not agree to giving up visitation, or to have only supervised visitation, these issues would most likely need to be resolved in court. In court, you would be asking the judge to order these things.
Given the circumstances of your post, I would recommend consulting an attorney as soon as possible. You state serious issues that should be investigated thoroughly. It is highly recommended that you resolve the issues regarding custody prior to your divorce.
I hope you found this response helpful.