Wanting to move out of state


#1

Hi everyone,

I currently live with my sons father here in nc. We are not married, he is not on the birth certificate, and we have no custody orders.

In the past year his verbal and emotional abuse has been getting worse and worse, It is to the point that if the sun comes up to early it is my fault.
Basically he does not have much to do with our son. Although we live in the same house, he rarely ever plays with him or anything., when he is here.
His work requires him to travel and work long hours…
Right now we are down to one vehicle and have been for about 7 months.
With that the controlling and verbal abuse has been over the top.
Anytime I need the vehicle for anything I get constantly yelled at for hours.
I watch peoples pets for them to make extra money and when I need the vehicle to do that he yells.
He yells because I do not have a job.
This is basically not good for anyone.

I moved to NC from Texas where all my family lives, I have no one here to help me if I leave.

So my question is, if I cant handle this abuse any longer and leave, what do I have to do to be able to move back to Texas?


#2

from my understanding - he is not on the birth certificate so this doesn’t give him any parental rights. if there isn’t a visitation order in place via the court, then you can leave and not have to worry about legal matters.

best of luck!

NOT AN ATTORNEY


#3

It doesn’t matter in this state whether or not you are married. Both parents have legal rights to any children (provided he has established a relationship with his child). Having said that, it means that you are also free to move with the child until any custody matters have been formally established. The problem is two-fold:

1.) If he finds out, he can get the courts to issue an emergency custody order preventing you from leaving the state or returning the children to the state until custody is settled.

2.) Running with the kids without establishing custody will look negative to the courts.

Can you get any recordings of his verbal abuse? Is there any way you can document his refusal to do things for his children? (The rule for you now is document, document, document…as if you were a police officer. Like it or not, it is a war now and you must gather evidence to support your view of things and defend against anything that might be thrown at you.) Any of this can be used as leverage to gain primary custody of the children. If he has severely abused (emotionally or physically) the children, then you can use that as evidence as to why you can remove the children from the state as it is damaging to their development.

What I would do is leave and immediately file for primary legal and physical custody of the children on the grounds that you have always been the primary caregiver and that he is abusive towards you (and the children, if that’s true) which is an unhealthy environment for the children to be in. (You should also file for post-separation support since you have the lesser income. Any evidence of verbal abuse will assist with receiving it.)

He may and probably will try to file some sort of injunction preventing you from removing the children from the state, but if you can gain primary custody initially, you can make those decisions for the children.

NOT AN ATTORNEY


#4

I have friends who have been at my house that can vouch for him paying more attention to the dog and not my son.

Seriously he will let the dog get up in the chair with him and cuddle with the dog and the second my child wants to get up there he is like no get down.
If my son is making any noise he is constantly telling him to shut up, even yelling. He is only 3 years old.

I am not sure how I can record his verbal abuse or his constant threats to hurt me.
I have contacted the domestic violence hotline and spoke with them about the situation.

I just know this is not healthy for any one.


#5

If you have witnesses to any threats or abuse made who are willing to testify, that would help. Other than that, if you can hide a recording device (as long as you are present in the conversation, then it is legal) that would also help. (Got video capabilities on your cell phone? You don’t necessarily need the video, just the sound from the video.)