My husband left back in Dec after a rough year together. (We had been married for over 5 years at that point and he left to be with another woman.) We have 2 small children together, we both had affairs thoughtout the marriage also. He was the bredwinner of the household, I had been staying at home with the kids for the last year. When he left, he changed all of his direct deposits that went into our joint accounts to his single accounts so I wouldn’t have access to money. Also, he had agreed on support amounts for me and the kids and always at the last minute he would either change his mind or say he doesn’t have the money to pay me. Would this be considered a form of abandonment? I ended up filing through the state of NC for child support just because of this fact before we set up and agreement to pay a set amount each week for my rent. He called me tonight saying I won’t see a dime until he knows what he has to pay through the state and at this point I am still not working (have an interview tomorrow) and rely on that money so my children have a roof over their heads. What do I do and were do I go for help with this?? I can’t afford a lawyer, and no legal aid will help me either.
If child support was filed through the State of NC and he refuses to pay, then he is in violation of the law…period. I don’t know what kind of motion you have to file (Show Cause?) or if you can just flat out have him arrested once he doesn’t pay for several months. Regardless, if your case goes to court, non-payment will be very frowned upon by the judge.
Also of note, if you two slept together since the last time you had an affair, and then he has turned around and had yet another affair since then (and you can prove it!), there’s a good possibility that he will be required to pay you alimony. (He might argue for condonation, but I believe that the burden of proof would then fall to him.)
Abandonment is not really the issue here, as you both are at fault for the disintegration of the marriage, and based on the facts it appears as though the separation was a mutual decision.
You certainly do have a claim for child support, and you may seek retro-active child support from the date that he left. His assertion that you will not receive a dime is ridiculous. The folks at child support enforcement should help you to get a court date set in which a judge will set the amount of child support. If your ex refused to pay, he could end up in jail. If the support is through the state centralized collections will handle the paperwork necessary to have him held in contempt.
I had just filed for support through the courts in Feb, so technically right now he isn’t required by the state to pay anything until he goes in on Wednesday for his first meeting. We had just had verbal agreements in the past, and that is where he is saying he doesn’t have to pay me. Another question I have is, is he still technically required to help support me for the time being until I get on my feet since I was a stay at home parent during the marriage? And on top of everything, he only has the kids every other weekend, doesn’t make an effort to see them any other time unless I ask him (he has 2 days off every week, on floating day and Sundays). He has even gone to lengths of shutting of a utility because he couldn’t have his name just removed from the account so he wouldn’t have responsibility to pay for it. He makes over $58k a year but I have been lucky to see around $200 a month for the kids.
To obtain spousal support you must prove that you are actually and substantially dependant on his income in order to meet your needs. If he earns substantially more than you do and you are not able to maintain your standard of living without his contribution you will need to sue him for alimony and post separation support, which is basically temporary alimony.
A judge will require you both to complete a financial affidavit so that he or she can review each of your respective incomes, and expenses before he or she can make a determination of if you will receive support, and if so how much.