Don't know what to do


First of all, you are entitled to 1/2 the marital assets so if there is money in a checking, savings account, it is 1/2 yours. This also includes 1/2 the equity in the marital home, 1/2 the furniture or cost of. Half of everything. In cases of where there is marital misconduct or an affair, you may be entitled to more than half. There is always filing for divorce from bed & board due to his actions. This would force him to leave and would also establish alimony grounds. If you make significantly less then you can request alimony.

Custody is normally shared in NC unless one party or another files. And the primary caregiver usually retains custody. This is the only thing that I would advise “fighting” over. Request alimony until you can make it without him and do NOT give in to anything less than joint legal and physical custody. This means equal time with each parent.

Second, you must first decide what YOU want to do. Then you can weigh your options.

Third, document everything. Dates, times, try to find copies of bills, e-mails, anything and everything you can get your hands on. Record conversations. Get an appointment to consult with an attorney to find out what your options are, and take all the documentation with you.

Lastly, I will say this about the put downs and emotional battery…You have to decide you’ve had enough. If he’s having an affair he has to justify it to himself somehow and that is how my ex did it. He constantly told me I was worthless and had me scared that he would leave me. If you are told something enough by someone you love and care about, you begin to believe it. Even if it’s not true. You have to take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Make sure that you eat and get rest. Visit your doctor if you need help. Take care of your children and make sure that they know that you are there for them. Ignore the things said that you know are untrue. This man loved you, married you and made you the mother of his children. There was, at some point, a change in how he thinks but that does not mean that it’s your fault. If he’s not willing to work on the marriage then you must make the decision if you can or want to even attempt it.

These things that he’s saying to you and threatening you with…IMHO it sounds like he’s having an affair and is worried about losing everything if you find out so he’s trying to bully you into believing that without him you have and are nothing…NOT TRUE.
Consult an attorney. Read more on this site.


It sounds like you need to consult with an attorney as soon as possible so they can discuss next steps. If he refuses to move out you can file a lawsuit to get him out, it would be an action for a Divorce from Bed and Board.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


I don’t know what to do ! My husband of almost 17 yrs and 3 children later told me 2 months ago that he doesn’t love me anymore. I tried to get him to go to counseling, I’ve tried everything. He said he just wanted to be ALONE!!! Yeah, then I found out that there was another womaan. He started hiding his cell phone and changed the bill from paper to online when I found a text from her. He leaves at all hours and stays gone while I’m at home w/ the children. He finally agreed to go to our church counsler if I would co sign on the loan to refinance our home. He said it would help especially for us if everything works out. He kept making me think that we were going to be o.k… He only went one time and thats because he stayed out till 3 am (again) and came home looking as if he just woke up and scared to death. I found semen in his underware and saw it on him as he was getting into the shower. He had been telling me there was noone else, just a friend. Not to worry about him fooling around and I believed him and we were having sex as well.
He finally said he would tell me why he had sex with her if I signed on the loan. He has made comments about my weight, apperance, my meaningless income and emotional state for 2 months and says I will get nothing because i can’t prove he was with her. He says he will take the kids from me. They are my life!! He keeps being nice to me and is trying to get me to sign something saying I want get him for abandonment and when I say no , he starts to attack me emotionally again and says I’m not fit to raise our children. I have no money or help. He used our car payment to see a high laywer last month without talking to me first. He has accumulated over 500.00 in insf fees in about a month and taken out about 750.00 in atms. I found this to be true when I couldn’t get acess to online banking one day and went to the bank myself and got statements. Our children and I am so emotionally drained at this point but he refuses to leave. What do I do?