First of all, you are entitled to 1/2 the marital assets so if there is money in a checking, savings account, it is 1/2 yours. This also includes 1/2 the equity in the marital home, 1/2 the furniture or cost of. Half of everything. In cases of where there is marital misconduct or an affair, you may be entitled to more than half. There is always filing for divorce from bed & board due to his actions. This would force him to leave and would also establish alimony grounds. If you make significantly less then you can request alimony.
Custody is normally shared in NC unless one party or another files. And the primary caregiver usually retains custody. This is the only thing that I would advise “fighting” over. Request alimony until you can make it without him and do NOT give in to anything less than joint legal and physical custody. This means equal time with each parent.
Second, you must first decide what YOU want to do. Then you can weigh your options.
Third, document everything. Dates, times, try to find copies of bills, e-mails, anything and everything you can get your hands on. Record conversations. Get an appointment to consult with an attorney to find out what your options are, and take all the documentation with you.
Lastly, I will say this about the put downs and emotional battery…You have to decide you’ve had enough. If he’s having an affair he has to justify it to himself somehow and that is how my ex did it. He constantly told me I was worthless and had me scared that he would leave me. If you are told something enough by someone you love and care about, you begin to believe it. Even if it’s not true. You have to take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Make sure that you eat and get rest. Visit your doctor if you need help. Take care of your children and make sure that they know that you are there for them. Ignore the things said that you know are untrue. This man loved you, married you and made you the mother of his children. There was, at some point, a change in how he thinks but that does not mean that it’s your fault. If he’s not willing to work on the marriage then you must make the decision if you can or want to even attempt it.
These things that he’s saying to you and threatening you with…IMHO it sounds like he’s having an affair and is worried about losing everything if you find out so he’s trying to bully you into believing that without him you have and are nothing…NOT TRUE.
Consult an attorney. Read more on this site.