What's the best move?


#1

I deleted my first post because it was too long and TMI. Here’s what I need to know soon as possible: Husband is moving out in two weeks. Was the sole provider. Says he will pay the rent and cell-phone bills, but I have to cover the rest. I have no income right now and he knows it. I do have potential income coming in August that will help me cover the utilities and groceries, but that’s about it.
I am drawing up a separation agreement, but certain he will not sign it. It will call for $1500/month to cover the rent and cell phone bill – approximately what he said he’d pay. Problem is, he only intends to cover that for a short period of time, until I can take over everything, leaving me with nothing. Also, I can’t trust him to do anything because he lies about everything (just being honest).
Married 29 years, living separately under the same roof the past 5, under constant financial abuse. I must account for every penny and can’t use the debit card without his permission. He makes $78K. Lost the house, which was in my name, four years ago because he wouldn’t pay the mortgage. Our rent is higher than that mortgage was and we just signed a lease for another year last month. I’m fine with staying here.
He claims he’s been saving up for this apartment he now has for months and months, but I got online access to our joint account today and saw he received $10,000, a loan from his retirement account. That same day he moved half of that to his secret checking account (which I’m not supposed to know about) and also withdrew $3,000 in cash.
I printed out a year’s worth of statements, where I see he’s been transferring funds every pay day to that other account.
I don’t care about his loan. I don’t care about his lies and sneaking around. He’ll be out of here soon. I know I’ll be OK because I’ve got plans in place for my own financial stability. Only thing I care about is making SURE he pays the rent each month, which is $1400. He nets $4000/month, btw.
So, do I 1) Present the agreement, anyway, and risk a great deal of wrath and anger because at least he’ll know what I am expecting or 2) Pretend what he said he’s going to do is just peachy, then after he’s gone seek spousal support? (And how does that work?)
Other options?


#2

If you anticipate that producing a separation agreement for him to sign will make him angry and he will refuse to sign or further negotiate, you may not want to go that route. You may instead consider filing in court for alimony/post-separation support, as well as any other causes of action you may have, such as equitable distribution (property division).

From what you’ve provided, it sounds like you are the dependent spouse and he is the supporting spouse, in which case he would likely owe you alimony/post-separation support, usually in the form of monthly payments. The goal of alimony is to help you maintain the standard of living that you grew accustomed to during the marriage even after the marriage.

North Carolina does not have a set formula to calculate alimony but rather considers 16 factors (see below).

Check out our detailed article about how alimony in North Carolina works.

16 Alimony Factors:

  1. The marital misconduct of either of the spouses.
  2. The relative earnings and earning capacities of the spouses.
  3. The ages and the physical, mental, and emotional conditions of the spouses.
  4. The amount and sources of earned and unearned income of both spouses, including earnings, dividends, and benefits such as medical, retirement, insurance, social security…
  5. The duration of the marriage.
  6. The contribution by one spouse to the education, training or increased earning power of the other.
  7. The extent to which the earning power, expenses, or financial obligations of a spouse will be affected by reason of serving as the custodian of a minor child.
  8. The standard of living of the spouses established during the marriage.
  9. The relative education of the spouses and the time necessary to acquire sufficient education or training to enable the spouse seeking alimony to find employment to meet his or her reasonable economic needs.
  10. The relative assets and liabilities of the spouses and the relative debt of the spouses, including legal obligations of support.
  11. The property brought to the marriage by either spouse.
  12. The contribution of a spouse as homemaker.
  13. The relative needs of the spouses.
  14. The federal, State, and local tax ramifications of the alimony award.
  15. Any other factor relating to the economic circumstances of the parties that the court finds to be just and proper. and last but not least:
  16. The fact that income received by either party was previously considered by the court in determining the value of a marital or divisible asset in an equitable distribution of the parties” marital or divisible property.