Husband hasn't left

Maybe you should bring this subject up to him. It sounds like there’s too much assuming going on. My suggestion is that you let him know you are not planning to move from the marital residence. Find out if he’s seen an attorney to possibly get separation papers drawn up…
He can not force you to move unless he can prove one of the reasons behind Divorce from Bed & Board which is difficult…
I’d suggest a discussion to find out where you stand and then consult an attorney of your own.


[i]Originally posted by virginia[/i] [br]Thanks for replying.

I’ve had an initial consultation with an atty ( husband does not know this)and was advised that if we did separate, my husband would most likely have to pay alimony (since I’ve only ever worked part time while we were married and not at all in the last three years) and to “keep me in the manner to which I’d become accustomed.” He’d have to continue paying the mortgage and bills and for my support, at least temporarily. When I told him that I wasn’t making plans to move out, he asked me how I was going to afford the mortgage. Based on that, I assumed that he hadn’t been to an atty and suggested that he do that. He told me to just write down what it is I wanted from him and we’d take it from there. I did not agree to do this. This is his project. I don’t want the divorce and I’m not going to get the ball rolling for him at this point. I may be forced to do it myself at some point in the future though if this continues. So far we are able to be pleasant around each other but I know if he hears it from me that he will most likely have to continue to support both me and the house and bills, I believe he’s going to be royally ticked and I’m afraid at that point it will get ugly. I’m really trying to avoid that, though I know it may be inevitable. I am just hoping that he will go ahead and see an atty and let him or her tell him.

Thanks for your advice.

A few things to note:

  • Your attorney told you what you wanted to hear, and what could optimistically happen. After all, they are trying to sell you their services. (They are trying to tell you what you can get, not what you will get. What you will get is highly dependent on factors outside yours and your attorney’s control. Any attorney who definitively states that you will get X (where X is anything significant) is blowing smoke up your backside and should probably be avoided.) Likewise, your husband’s attorney will tell him what he wants to hear. Filter what you hear from the attorneys through this. If one or both of you believe your attorneys and are unwilling to compromise or otherwise come to agreement, it will get nasty. And expensive.

Also, attorneys are not in the business of extending credit to their clients, so you’ll have to come up with the money to pay the attorney up front.

  • The lifestyle of both parties will decrease following divorce. This is pretty much inevitable, since there is now the same income supporting two households, rather than one, so you will almost certainly not be receiving sufficient alimony to keep you “in the manner to which you’ve become accustomed.” After all the bills are paid, how much money does your husband have floating around? Unless he has gobs of money floating around, you will almost certainly have to get a job, and unless you have a very good reason (such as care of very young children), an income may be imputed to you during alimony calculations as well.

  • You haven’t been married for all that long, so any alimony you receive will be for a brief time, (maybe two or three years, not much more.) Your husband’s attorney may very well tell him that he should not have to pay any alimony, or it would be a negligible amount. (There isn’t enough information here to say one way or the other.) But I would not be surprised if your husband’s attorney simply laughs at the demands for alimony.

From my understanding, alimony is paid at between 25-50% of exposable income after his bills are paid at the end of the month. You can figure that amount out on what he has left over. And alimony in most cases is temporary, not permanent.


Unless one party has grounds for a divorce from bed and board then generally they cannot evict the other spouse from the residence.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

Thank you. That is helpful to know.

[i]Originally posted by virginia[/i] [br]Thank you, Golfball and Ping, for replying. I was told by my atty that the alimony would last for approx. half the length of the marriage. He also told me that he was giving me his opinion of what the judges would do in our county, having been a divorce atty for 18 years here and he was basing what he was telling me on the financial statements, tax returns, etc. that I took into my meeting with him.

I wouldn’t count on having all the financial statements. Allow for the possibility that you’ve overlooked something.

My husband's income could support two households, albeit barely. But, I understand what you are saying. One never knows what will actually happen and it is entirely possible that I will have to get a job.

I would almost count on having to get a job. That way, it’s a pleasant surprise if you don’t need to get one. And if STBX croaks, the alimony obligation is over, and you’d need to get a job anyway.

When two people who have previously been living in one household split into two, the cost of maintaining each person goes up. And, unless he has gobs of money floating around (enough to support three or four single person households), you aren’t going to get enough w/o some serious expense shaving.

Based on ping’s posting, your husband will pay the bills, and then 25-50% of what’s left gets divided. If his income is 200% of what is needed to reasonably support one person living alone, you’ll only get 50% of what is needed to support one person, if you get the full amount of alimony. (His expenses consume 100% of necessary support. Then 50% of what’s left over to you, and he keeps 50%.)

Also keep in mind that alimony is considered income, and taxes must be paid on it.