Where to begin

North Carolina Divorce Law Divorce and Separation Answers
1

First, I would like to say that I’m sorry that you are going through this.
I do not know that you would want to pursue alienation of affection. From what I have read it is expensive and difficult to prove. You must show that you had a viable marriage and that this person alienated your spouse’s affections. This does not necessarily have to be a “lover”.
Adultery or criminal conversation is having sex with someone other than your spouse and though it is rarely prosecuted it is illegal in NC. This goes for even during separation, I believe unless express permission is given by the spouse.
I’m not certain what the exact steps are for filing a claim for alimony. If either spouse makes more than the other, that spouse can file for alimony unless there is marital misconduct on the part of the filing spouse. Meaning that if you have an affair, you forfeit your right to alimony.
I suggest that you get to an attorney as soon as you can. Gather as much information as you can, receipts, phone records, record a conversation between you two where you specifically ask if he’s been unfaithful if necessary. Since he has not admitted to the affair your actions could not be considered condoning…condoning/forgiving would mean that you continued to have sex with him after having knowledge of the affair.
Get a separation agreement drawn up. This will protect against abandonment. One party must leave the marital residence before separation can begin so it’s useless to attempt to claim abandonment if your spouse leaves and is taking care of finacial and other obligations, such as child support.

I have a friend in a similar situation. Her husband cheated on her but manipulated the situation so that it was her wanting to leave. She knew nothing about the affair until the week after she signed an agreement. I think she is going to attempt to have some of it reversed, he did not disclose all their finacial information, but I’m not sure that this will work…

2

Generally to prove adultery you need to prove inclination and opportunity. Hotel bills, phone calls, emails, all of these things can be evidence of adultery. You will need evidence that this relationship occured before and after your first separation.

When he left the first time and moved back in, it may be considered that you condoned the relationship prior to that however, however if the relationship continued it is not considered to be condoned and will have an effect on alimony. If you make more money than him and would have been the one to pay alimony, his conduct would bar him from receiving it. If he makes more money, it means that he will be liable for paying alimony.

In order to receive alimony you and he would either have to reach an agreement for him to pay, or you would need to file a lawsuit and have alimony awarded to you by the courts.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit radio.rosen.com/live for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

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Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
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The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

3

I became aware that my husband was having an affair with his co-worker back in January 2007. I had to go back at least eight months to see where the affair actually started. He has never admitted to the affair and I could see where he was taking her out on dates and calling her for hours each day. He even went as far as getting a calling card to call her. In June of last year he left the home for about a month. During this time, I could see where he was staying all night long with her at different motels. This also showed up on his credit card bill. After being gone for that month, he stated that he wanted to come back home. At this time he still did not admit to having the affair. Once he moved back home he stated that everyone who needs to know about me coming home knows. Since he works with her, he still continues to talk to her almost everyday. He states that they are working on a project and that they have to deal with each other. I have asked that they do not talk to each other outside of the job, but it still continues. I have noticed that he now sends her a text message and then a few minutes later, a private call will come in on his cell phone. Outside of that we were doing great up until March of this year. We had an arguement and I brought up the woman’s name. Once I did that, our relationship changed altogether. He then stated that he wants to separate, but he will not leave the home that we share with our five year old daughter because he doesn’t want to be charged with abandonment. Want exactly constitues proof of adultery? Also what is alienation of affection? Last how does one receive alimony?