Using the calculator on your page, it appears that I can’t afford to divorce. I worry for my kids growing up and watching their parents disagree, argue, and not get along. We can’t go more than a few days without arguing. We both yell and get angry and are rude. I have come to avoid ever saying anything to him in front of kids because he’s a loose cannon regardless of whether they’re around or not - he can’t stop himself from escalating little things into loud arguments, even with little ones around. In any case, I want a divorce, but based on my calculations I cannot afford our home (buying out his half of the equity nor making the full mortgage/tax/insurance payments on my own). I work only part time. If I worked full time, I’d need to engage daycare, so I’d be no better off in terms of being able to afford things. If I moved out, I couldn’t afford the rent on a place with 3 bedrooms (we have 2 kids) any more than our mortgage (which is actually in line with rent). We have little cash asset, so I can’t even really consider working on selling our home, taking the half of the equity I’d be entitled to (very little, really) and any cash as a down payment - it doesn’t put in me in a position to purchase anything really. Further, health insurance, which is now covered through his work, is also an issue - I am self-employed - so it is just another thing added on that I can’t afford on my own. By the calculation I see, I am in the hole by a large sum each month and my husband will be able to rent a house, pay support, and still have leftover money from his income to live how he pleases. I feel trapped and don’t want to file and make things even worse between us and for the kids to hear the arguing if in the end I can’t afford to leave.
I guess it boils down to this: is asset distribution strictly 50/50 without exception and child support (and any possibility of alimony) based on what the calculator on this site seems to do (which is, I believe, # of days visitation and % distribution of income) or is there somewhere in all this money/financial side that considers the ability to actually afford the reality of the situation, including my health insurance payments, not just the kids’, the mortgage, waiving the equity buy-out or whatever is needed, and so on. (I haven’t even including things like dance lessons my daughter is used to taking that would have to be given up because I can’t pay for it, even with what the calculator says he’ll contribute.)
The only other option I have is to go live with or near my parents (my father is unemployed and therefore could help with childcare) in PA. I don’t want to wrench my kids away from their dad, but that is the only way I can figure to afford divorce. But can I even do that - leave and go to another state? Or is that only if my husband ‘allows’ it?
Thank you for your help.