Financial Bullying


My husband told me that he removed me as beneficiary on his insurance policy and 401K and made his children (from a previous marriage) sole beneficiaries. I do not have sufficient income to cover our mortgage in the event something was to happen to him. (His income is 8X my salary). He travels frequently all over the world and this is very stressful for me. I have attempted to secure a life insurance policy however he has refused to submit a physical. (He told me it sounded like I am plotting to kill him; I just don’t like taking unnecessary risks). I agreed to vacate the home if he would refinance so that I am not responsible for the loan. He also took out a line of credit and used it for his son’s college tuition without discussing with me and says that I am also liable for that debt. I feel that he is deliberately using his financial advantage to control and torture me. Do I have any recourse?
He had an affair and I agreed to go to counseling to try to work through our issues, however I suspect that he is attempting to provoke me to leave our home and file for divorce. What is the advantage to him for me to leave or file for divorce when in fact it is him that doesn’t want to be married?


Not an Attorney*

My thought is your husband is passive-aggressive and wants you to accept the burden of ending the marriage, so that he comes out being the ‘good guy’. If you’re unhappy and no longer want to be divorced, then separate and file at the appropriate time. NC is no fault, so no clear advantage gained by either party filing first.

For a bit of reality, and not meant to be underhanded, but most attorney’s will counsel you, that leverage in obtaining a settlement to your advantage is proportional to how bad HE wants out of the marriage. If he’s attempting to manipulate you into a divorce you may gain advantage by not agreeing. I’m not advocating putting yourself through pain or into a dangerous situation, just understand the manipulation at play and act accordingly.


There are many factors that the court takes into consideration when determining the division of assets, and you may have an argument that your husband wasted the marital assets by taking out a mortgage on your house for your son’s tuition. You can refer to the equitable distribution factors on our website for a complete analysis.

There could be many reasons why he would want you to be the party to leave the residence. The most obvious is that if he leaves, he will have to continue paying for the upkeep of the house if you can’t afford it unless he wants to face foreclosure of the property and arguments by you in court that you were abandoned.