25 years gone over the Web


My wife of almost 26 years (Sept. 24) packed up her belongings on 8/20/09 called the kids together to tell them good bye. She had told them 2 weeks prior she was going to leave me. I hold no hard feelings toward them since I raised them that their good word was the only thing they could take with them to the grave. This has torn the hearts out of our childeren (26,23,and 18). She packed up and moved to Nebraska to be with a woman she met online. I have found pictures on our pc that clearly indicate this is going to be a physical relationship. Pictures of the two of them inside of hearts that have captions like “together forever” “true love”. I’m deeply hurt since I had no indication anything was wrong in our marriage until I got my “dear John” letter. But most of all I don’t know what to tell the kids and grandkids. I’ve told them it appears mommy/nana found someone she thought could make her happier then dad/papa and don’t we all want her to be happy? I have told them she has and always will love them with all her heart. But they are still very upset. Does anyone know what I should say to them? They are unhappy she left and that she didn’t tell me to my face. They are also upset that they have no way to contact her since the number she provided for the woman she was going to meet has been disconnected. What can I do for my kids any suggestions would be very welcome.


I’m very sorry that you are going through this. The shock and devistation left after something like this happening, is normally very difficult to get over.
Unfortunately, there is little that can be done at this point. You should see an attorney to protect your financial future. The emotional side of this is that your children are grown/adults and that if their mother has left, there is little that you can do. They will need to deal with this on their terms. Your have done the right thing in not giving them details and because to be honest, it is not their business. Separation and divorce, while they do affect the whole family, are normally very personal traumatic events for the spouses. There is little that should be told to the family. That is their mother and grandmother, and nothing will change that. I commend you on re-enforcing her place in their lives but there is little that you can do to repair any damage she has caused her relationship with them. That is something that she will need to face and deal with when she is back in contact. Your children will in turn need to deal with their children, your grandchildren’s feelings about this. Keep things simple for them because they are children. What you’ve told them so far is all you can tell them because you probably don’t know any more than that.
Keep any of the information you have from the computer in case she attempts an alimony claim, see an attorney for a separation agreement, and try to take care of yourself. Try to track down you’re spouse to get a separation agreement signed and let her know at that point that the family would like to have a way to contact her. Maybe see if there’s contact information in the computer…?
I will keep you in my thoughts