The mess of divorce


#1

Dear alljams,

It sounds like you have been hurt by the way your wife has chosen to react to the separation. My guess is it was her way of dealing with her own pain, and trying to fill the void in her life, although I know that doesn’t make it any easier for you to swallow. When emotions are running high, as they seem to be in your situation, sometimes it is a good release to write a letter and get all your feelings out on paper. You might even find that once you’ve written it you feel better already, and have no need to share it with her. However, if you do want to give it to her, it would probably not hurt you, as long as nothing you wrote in the letter could be perceived as threatening or harassing. You mentioned that you have been separated for 2 years but are not yet divorced. Do you have a Separation Agreement in place? If not, you may want to consult an attorney to see if there are matters that need to be resolved before obtaining the divorce.
Best of Luck,
Amy

Amy K. Kirkhum
The Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 200
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
NCdivorce.com
(919)787-6668

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#2

Thanks Amy…I appreciate the advice…No separation agreement yet, but agreements to split property, etc, have been filed with the court…14 years is a long time to be with someone, and I honestly understand the hurt…It’s just there are sides to every story, and part of our problem as a couple was her side, and only hers…No children, just a lot of anger within her…I just want this to be over with so we both can try to pick up the pieces and live life again…Thanks again, I appreciate it


#3

Dear Alljams:

My thought is that it is sometimes appropriate and a “good time” to tell the other side your view on why the separation occurred, but I believe it may also be part of an overall negotiation strategy. In the end, it is your decision about what to tell your spouse and when to tell them, although I do advise you to speak with an attorney the prior to making any decisions. Best of luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney at Law
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 200
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
NCDivorce.com
919-787-6668

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#4

Is it ever a good time to tell someone your side as to why the marriage ended ? The reason I ask this question is my wife is full of bitterness and hate for me. She constantly acts like a victim, and never lets a chance get away to tell me so. I honestly don’t want to be like this, but so many things have happened since our separation. There was a period of time right after when I thought we could work it out. She has been with several men since, and this started three weeks after we separated. One was a mutual friend, one man she met at my family’s residence (they are deceased), and spent the night. She spent several nights with both of these men. She even told me three months after we separated she was glad I found out, she wanted to go on with her life. That was almost two years ago, no divorce yet. The other day in a yelling match, I finally broke down and told her how hurt I was she did this in my family’s home. She didn’t deny it, but it seemed to quiet her a bit. I just want to know if it’s ok to “lay the cards on the table” so to speak. These are not accusations, they can be proven by neighbors, friends, etc. I don’t want to go that route, but feel I have no other choice.I thought about writting a letter,just telling her what I feel in the whole situation.Don’t know if it would help, or if it could come back to haunt me later. Any suggestions ?