Adultery/Visitation

[system]

NCMomof3,

To qualify for alimony in North Carolina, you must be able to show first, that you are a dependent spouse. If you are a dependent spouse, then you may be able to get post separation support on that basis alone. Evidence of marital misconduct will help you to get alimony, but you will probably need more than the birthday cards. If you believe your husband is still seeing someone, I suggest you start collecting old credit card statements, cell phone bills, etc., that may help you track his spending. Also, hiring a private investigator may be wise.

As far as the separation agreement, it does sound like you need one. As long as you and he agree on the terms, you can certainly put in terms that keep him from bothering you unnecessarily. In terms of custody, I would keep a calendar of the weekends that are supposed to be “his” right now. Everytime he doesn’t show up, or brings the kids back too soon, or calls to bug you about something unrelated during that time, make a log of those events. If your custody matter ends up in court, you have more proof of his actions.

Good luck!

Shonnese D. Stanback
Attorney
The Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 200
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.256.1534 direct voice
919.256.1667 direct fax
919.787.6668 main voice
919.787.6361 main fax
NCdivorce.com
email: sstanback@rosen.com

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

[NCMomof3]

I have 2 concerns; one is kind of cut and dry and the other is a “how does this make him look” situation.

First is the adultery:

“If the court finds that the supporting spouse participated in an act of illicit sexual behavior, as defined in G.S. 50-16.1A(3)a., during the marriage and prior to or on the date of separation, then the court shall order that alimony be paid to a dependent spouse.”

What kind of substantial proof do I need? I came across some birthday cards and Valentines cards that were given to him 2 yrs ago, and they definitely did not come from me. She was smart and did not sign her name, just “Me” and you can tell from her personal notes, that it was not just a friendly gesture. I have a feeling that the cards are not enough, are they? But if I can get him to admit to it, (according to the statute), if adultery took place at any time during the marriage, it qualifies me for alimony, right?

Second is visitation.

We do not have a seperation agreement as of yet, but I have a feeling I am gonna need to get one.

We had discussed at one point, that he could have every other weekend and Wednesdays with the kids. So when he took the kids to the beach on one weekend, I planned my work schedule for 2 weeks later, since it would have been “his weekend” again. He agreed the Tuesday before the weekend, to take the kids. The housekey issue happened on Wednesday. On Friday, I called him to see if he had given any more thought to the kids for that weekend, and he said “Have you given any more thought to a key?” He was bargaining the kids for a key! I told him nevermind, I would take care of it. He called back later and told me, “that he was not bargaining, but he just didn’t think that Friday night was a good night, cuz when he takes the kids, he feels like he is helping me out and really just did not feel like helping me out.” I could not beleive he was taking “our” issues, and making the kids suffer. I tried to make him understand that the weekend was about time with his kids, not helping me out, that I had scheduled myself to work, cuz technically it was “his weekend”. He said, “Oh, did the magistrates office say it was?” (going back to the housekey issue again) Needless to say, because he was mad at me, he was backing out on his weekend. I was left to find help from friends, so I could work. How does this make him look? Should I get the SA just to guarantee the kids get to see him? You would think a dad would love all opportunities to be with his kids. Also, he has a bad habit of calling me when he has the kids, for little, non-children related things, just to see what I am doing or where I am at. Can I stipulate in the agreement, that unless it is an emergency, or a matter of necessity concerning the kids, he shouldn’t call me?

Sorry it was long, but this has really bugged me and I just want to know if he is just making things easier for me in getting primary physical custody, child support AND alimony.

Thanks