Alienating the Children's Affection

I am going through your typical separation now, and looking for support as well as guidance.

I left my wife 10 months ago, after 18 years. I had finally took all I could, and it was starting to affect my health. We had been slowly declining for the last 10 years, arguing constantly (my ex has OCD). I had an affair 5 years ago (a single, lunch hour fling), admitted to it, asked forgiveness, and went through counseling. It went well for almost a year, but then all the same problems resurfaced. I chose to end it, rather than to continue like that.

When I started dating again, it infuriated my wife. She told all 3 of my children about the affair, and how sorry I was. It all came to a boil right before Christmas, when my 16 yo son tried to confront me in my own apartment. I asked him to leave (4x), and when he wouldn’t, I tried to take him by the arm and escort him out. My wife used this to take a restraining order out on me for all 3 children.

Now she and her lawyer are saying I will only get limited visitation even after the 50b expires, as I now have a “history” of violence. In the meantime, I will have gone over a year without seeing my children, while she floods their mind with how horrible a person I am.

I went from “Father of the Year” a year ago, to not having children. I was involved in every aspect of their life prior to the separation. I coached all of them in little league soccer for 13 years. I was a PTA president, a Booster officer, S.S. teacher, deacon, choir member, usher, you name it! My life centered around my three children. Now, she has it in the 50b that I can’t be anywhere near the school or church, so I had to relinquish those positions. That’s all fine, less for me to have to deal with. But I am going crazy not being able to see my children, and knowing she is poisoning their minds!

Any hope, advice, or guidance here would be greatly appreciated.

Get a lawyer! I hate it for you, really do. I was in a similar situation and wish I had gotten a lawyer early on. On the bright side, my kids have all come back to taking my side. I never bad mouthed their mother. Honestly nothing lower than a parent using his/her kids for leverage.

I am truly sorry for what you are going thru. I am also divorced and just finished going through child custody after 7 years of divorce. I now have custody of my kids. They were in a bad environment with there mom. I have remarried and moved on but the last 3 months of going through child custody was nothing more than shear torment. My x was the biggest pain you could imagine. She told the kids lies about me because she wanted them to change there minds and not come live with me. I’ve heard it all. The one thing that has helped me through all of this was my faith in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I believe in a God that is awesome and can work all things out. I leave all my issues at the cross and ask him to handle it. I can’t imagine not allowing him to control it. He looked after my kids and took care of them and I now have the kids. So I can give him the praise and glory for it all. I had many prayers being lifted up for my family because it was an emotional roller coaster. We all have our issues and some seem worse than others, however God doesn’t care whose are greater than the other because we put weights on them not God. They are all issues to him and he is more than willing to listen.