Having been in this scenario myself, I know how painful this can be and in all honesty, there’s no going back after this. I commend your efforts at counseling and attempting to “salvage” your marriage. For me there was just no way to ever trust or even look at my ex the same after this.
In my opinion, it sounds as though your spouse is trying this in the hopes that if you agree to reconcile your AofA suit would have no grounds. If there is still contact with the male friend then I think it would be safe to assume that this is an effort on their part to have you drop your pursuit of AofA. It sounds as though your spouse took your statement of intention to file suit as a threat and is doing whatever is necessary to make that go away. It may also be that there’s a lot of confusion. This is a very emotional time for most people and it may simply mean that your spouse isn’t sure what she wants. I may be wrong, but my suggestion is that you decide for yourself what YOU want. If you want to try and salvage your relationship then YOU will need to take steps to forgive and move on. If you do not believe that you are able to do that, then hire an attorney, get a separation agreement drawn up, and move on. As far as the AofA suit goes, that’s entirely up to you. My personal opinion is that in some cases it’s the only way for the 3rd party to be held accountable for their actions. If you feel that you had a happy marriage up to this point and that this person intentially influenced the course of your marriage then you should seek legal action. In some cases, it’s only a malicious way to last out at someone who was taking advantage of a situation that was already there. If you and your spouse were unhappy, or on the verge of separation then there’s no reason to take things out on someone else. It was destined to end and this just happened to be the person that was there. This is all just my opinion and I wish you luck with your decision.
Isolated attempts at reconciliation will not negate a claim for Alienation of Affection, assuming one exists in the first place.
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax
10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax
1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.
I had the distinct pleasure of interrupting my spouse and her male friend during a compromising moment. I had already been suspicious of them. Counselling began immediately, but to no avail, as she departed our home a few weeks later. Weeks following were up and down, with an ultimate declaration on her part of wanting to proceed with a divorce. I stated my intentions to file AOA against him. Since that point, there has been no reconcilliation, however there has been statements of “not wanting a divorce”, “trying to reconcile”, etc., but no return to the marriage. I have in no way indicated that I would not pursue the AOA during this time. With the statements that have been made, is it safe to assume that they are attempting to negate my claims of AOA with a short term effort that will not result in a reconciliation?