Alienation of affection and criminal conversation help


#1

I am currently in a marriage that is in dire straights. We have 2 children 4 and 2. My wife is/and or was having an affair. It has been going on for about 9 months now. We are still together and I am doing everything in my power to make the marraige work. She says she is staying and we are going to work things out. We have moved to NC from Ohio about 15 months ago, I came here to open a business for my family (a used car lot) which I have done, and sank my entire livelyhood into making this work. The paramour has very consistantly tried to stay in contact with and continues to try to get my wife to abandoon me to be with him. I have read all the the qualifications for filing a alienation of affection and criminal conversation law suits. I do have solid proof of the criminal conversation (and then some) also can more than prove there was love and sanctity in our home prior to the acts. My first question. My wife met this guy at a local YMCA he is a personal trainer there. They have met there numerous times, used it as a meeting grounds and used his job to hide an affair. Should I go into his place of business and speak with his manager and notify them of a law suit that they potentially could be drug into. Or do I hold off until I get the case process started.
My second question is just that with any case I know there is no certainty, but if I have evidence more than what is required to bring to the table, what are the odds I would lose the case or it being dropped.
I ask for fear of my wife being upset that I file the case and potentially threaten leaving me , and yet he still get off scott free. I feel I deserve to have punutive damages against the third party as he has put not only my entire business and well being in jepordy, he has caused my children to go through a nightmare of watching this unfold. Any advice that could be given would be greatly appreciated.

Lastly, I am not concerned with myself recieving money in pursuing this case, as I am concerned with making the paramour being punished for his wrong doing. Initially are there any attourneys out there that wouldlook at a case, have confidence they have one and take there proceeds out of the damages. One guy I was reffered to charged $1,000 per hour and a $15,000 retainer fee. I know good representation costs money, but I cannot afford that. Are there any other options for me to start this process if I dont have the funds available to pay representation at those prices?


#2

I am not a lawyer, but 1000$/ hour ??? that is insane, it should be between 150$ - 300$/hour maximum.

A second point, don’t you think to have an affair there were 2 people, if he has to be punished as you said, your wife is a grown up person who made her (bad) choices, and she will probably be a witness for the case, can you imagine staying married with her after that ?


#3

Everyone’s situation is different. And everyone makes mistakes. The strongest person you will ever meet is the one willing to forgive for the ones he loves and for his children. Also he knew what he was getting into and didn’t consider the consequences. That is why this type of case is running strong in NC and people are still able to feel some type of justification. I will say nothing that happens to him will take back the pain I have been through, but it will sure make me feel a hell of a lot better knowing he will remember for the rest of his life that he messed with the wrong family. You have to understand I moved here from Ohio 15 months ago with my wife and 2 kids and Opened a business. I have no friends here, I have no family. Its easier to say what I should do than it is for me to just throw in the towel. I didn’t marry my wife to give up on her even in hard times. That to me is a real man and at least I will be able to say I did all I could and will have no regret.


#4

what I meant is : if you go for a lawsuit, you can say good bye to your wife, your couple will never survive the fact she will be witness in a trial in front of judge against her ex-boyfriend.

You probably have to choose between ego and the love you have for your wife.


#5

I do not know if she would need to be a witness or not…I do have substantial evidence that would hopefully not put her in that position. You have a point and that crossed my mind. I was kind of thinking that once and for a all she needs to choose who’s side she is on as well…But is that the time to decide is with this situation. I may be looking at a double edged sword. I sure wish I knew the avenue to take for my kids sake and for my sanity. I know she still has to live with me to file for this law suit. Therefor if she ended up surprising me and moving out all of a sudden I would regret not filing for it. I would nix going throughwith it if I KNEW it would save my marraige, I just don’t have the answer to that either. The only person that does is my wife and I dont believe at this moment and time she has the integrity to give me an answer and als believe it herself.


#6

5 years ago I went through the same thing. After long hard thought and lots of advice from trusted friends and family, I came to the conclusion that if she was willing to pursue another man deceitfully, then she was emotionally dead in our marriage. It wasn’t an accident. It was repetitive. She changed her habits in the home. For me, I had to decide to go down my path away from her in the hopes that she would follow. She didn’t follow. She confirmed my suspicion that she was emotionally dead. 5 years later I’m confident I made the right decision. I still miss her. I wish we were still married.

I, too, was willing to sue her paramour out of principle, even though he didn’t have money for me to recoup. I’m not proud of it, but I used my blind principle to my advantage and negotiated a lopsided split with my ex-wife (around 75/25) for the sake of me not suing her paramour. For me, that was the right decision and helped protect my future.

Since then, I’ve learned to cook, my son is my main focus, and I don’t have to worry about her deceit any more. If nothing else, I feel your pain and wish you the best of luck.


#7

With regard to your first question, about notifying the paramour’s co-workers, there is no law preventing you from doing such. However it has been my experience that this sort of behavior does not help parties reconcile, if that is truly your wish. In fact filing the suit for alienation of affection or criminal conversation generally works against reconciliation. You will not be able to spare your wife from testifying; even if you do not call her as a witness it is probable that the paramour will put her on the stand.

I have no way of answering your question about the odds of you succeeding on your claim. Spend some time looking through our article on Infidelity and Alienation of Affection. There we provide details about the proof required and how to establish your claim.

Lastly, with regard to fees, pursuing these actions can be pricey. Not only is it expensive to sue for this tort, many times the paramour is judgement proof. These are two reasons why many people ultimately choose not to pursue these claims. The type of fee structure you are interested in is a contingency fee, this is a fee structure whereby the attorney collects a portion of your settlement if you are successful. If the lawyer you met with charges an hourly rate, it doesn’t sound like he works on contingency. Furthermore, it will be hard to find an attorney to take your case on contingency if the likelihood of you recovering a substantial amount is minimal.