In our marriage of 24 years (including 2 years of separation), we had 1 son who was 16 when my husband left. We were used to a 5000 sq. ft house $700,000 house.

He has an MBA from Yale and has been in business since before we got married. I have been a stay home Mom, looking after the kids and his parents (who generally stayed with us when not visitng their other kids - our kids grew up with their grandparents) and the house. I helped in his business but never got paid for my work.

Through poor financial practices we both had to individually file for bankruptcy in CT (his in 2004 and mine in Dec. 2007). Today, I am unemployed, have my younger son living with me and have to support him through college (starting this Sept). Older son is at NYU and Dad claims that he will support as best he can and he has to figure out the rest!

As a stay home Mom all 24 years, with an occasional W2 of 1500.00 or 15000 in 2008 when he left his business for me to run. Later checks in 2009 had to be cancelled because there was no money and he refused to honor my work.

Can I get alimony or support of some sort in the divorce papers? We sold our house and split the balance (after mortgages and 2nd mortgages/equity) 50-50. he is used to borrowing all over and has personal borrowings from his siblings. He sends me some money just now but I am worried it will stop soon after the divorce since there is nothing in the divorce as an uncontested divorce.

Should I safeguard myself in some way? My MA in education does not help as it was before marriage and I do not have a teaching certificate to teach and there are no jobs. He is forcing an uncontested divorce - if you do that I will give you some money, if you contest it then I will fight for every little asset you have! I don’t have much besides some savings from the house sale.


You may be entitled to alimony but must file a claim prior to the divorce begin granted. The way to safe guard yourself is to hire an NC attorney and file a claim for alimony right away.


I am not a lawyer, but I believe that if there is nothing in writing, then he is under no obligation to pay you anything at all after the divorce. That is probably why he is trying to force you to do the uncontested divorce. He may say now that he will pay you, but you have no guarantee or recourse if he does not.

I think you need a separation agreement that spells out exactly how much money he is going to give you each month for alimony and child support and YOU NEED TO DO THIS BEFORE YOU GET DIVORCED OR IT WILL BE TOO LATE! It sounds like you are the dependant spouse and so you should be entitled to alimony. If you have custody, child support as well.

I would read through the documents on this site about alimony, child support, “absolute divorce”, and separation agreements, and then see a lawyer.

I just wrote about this in my other thread. Sorry, should have done it here but it pertains to both.

Can I file for alimony and not do anything about it unless he stops supporting? He WANTS his divorce this Friday and his family is really pushing him in many different ways! They don’t want me and the kids out of his life! That’s life.

Right now, the divorce paper only has:

  1. our names and SS
  2. Kids’ names and SS
  3. States we live in
  4. Date we were married
  5. We want an absolute divorce after 24 years

According to him, he does not want anything to stop the divorce on Friday. As he puts it, if he knew I was going to say or do anything he would not have filed in NC, he would have filed in CT - I think NC believes in alimony more than CT does!

I did support him through Yale MBA, am a stay home Mom, etc. so according to NC rules, I may get alimony.

Can I file for alimony before Friday, the court date? Is that possible? Can I file for alimony and not do anything about it unless he stops supporting me, and then discuss alimony at that time? Is kids’ college tuition and support included in the alimony, if they are over 18? Or is that a separate issue and has nothing to do with alimony?

Basically, he wants his divorce papers on Friday or he will get hell from his family and does not want to jeopardise that? Can we get a divorce and still be discussing alimony after Friday? If he has consistently paid the same amount every month for the last 18 month, does the alimony generally stay the same?

i apologise for being all over the place but am very concerned as you said that he will stop supporting the minute the divorce goes through?

The divorce will proceed on Friday, and filing a claim for Alimony will not delay the divorce.

You must file a claim for Alimony and Equitable Distribution prior to the divorce hearing, or you will forever be barred from asserting those claims. You need to contact an NC attorney immediately so they will have time to get the claim filed.

College tuition for children is not included in alimony determinations. His past payments of support can be entered into evidence to demonstrate your need and his ability to pay.

The court will eventually set hearings for both issues if you do not. The court will not allow the case to be pending indefinitely.

The Alimony claim will be separate as the court will not be able to hear support prior to your divorce, which, if I remember correctly, is this week.

You MUST file a claim for alimony (and equitable distribution if applicable) before Friday